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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people believe that individuals who earn a lot of money are the most successful. Others say that the individuals who contribute to the society (such as scientists or teachers) are the most successful. 🔸Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Do you think successful people
product
Replace the word
produce
 on their own ?Many workers believe that a hustler who starts working begins with a promising beginning with themselves.
Also
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,
this
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 essay will discuss both those who believe that individuals who earn a
lot
Use synonyms
 of money are the most successful
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and those who say that individuals who contribute to society are the most successful.
Overall
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,
it is clear that
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 working
has
Verb problem
requires
show examples
 a
lot
Use synonyms
 of strategy to
success
Replace the word
succeed
, and there are many passionate employee that are fantastic, but the smartest who know how to use it , there are one type of population who work and
gain
Correct subject-verb agreement
gains
show examples
 a
lot
Use synonyms
 of money and
perform
Correct subject-verb agreement
performs
show examples
 for themselves, and
don't
Correct subject-verb agreement
doesn't
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 directly benefit society or the government.
In contrast
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, they make
effort
Correct article usage
an effort
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 on their future plans and goals.
In addition
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, most of them are working in business or money investment.
On the other hand
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, workers who lend their knowledge to the community
usually are
Correct word order
are usually
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 the best in growing countries and give a
lot
Use synonyms
 of juniors some information that can help them.
Moreover
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, there are a
lot
Use synonyms
 of examples of effort that can give society what they need ,
such
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 as teachers,scientists , and volunteers
, not
Punctuation problem
. Not
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 only
science and technology can
Correct word order
can science and technology
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 help people, but
also
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 the community by
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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planting trees, donating blood, and feeding the hungry.
To sum up
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 , I think both employees have their own ideas and goals to achieve
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 I think it depends on the person's character.
Furthermore
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, working is a double-edged sword that might help us or harm us

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task response
Write your opinion in a clear way in the first or last part. Now your view is not strong enough.
task response
Discuss both sides more evenly. The money side is short and not fully explained.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer main ideas in each body paragraph. One paragraph should have one main point.
coherence and cohesion
Add simple linking words like First, On the other hand, For example, and In conclusion.
task response
Give one or two clear examples for each side. This will make your ideas stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and grammar so your ideas are easier to follow.
task response
You answered both parts of the question.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You gave some examples like teachers, scientists, and volunteers.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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