IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, traditional food is replaced by international fast food. This has adverse effect families, individuals and society. Do you agree or disagree?

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The fast
food
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 companies are being spreaded world wide, and the consequences can be seen already. Traditional
food
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 and family restaurants are more and more doomed to disappear. I agree that these change brings adverse
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
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 for families, individuals and society. Nowadays, with a
fast paced
Correct your spelling
fast-paced
 life, families are not cooking as often as they used to, and young generations are being introduced to fast
food
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 culture sooner than they should be.
As a consequence
Linking Words
, the number of kids and teenagers with health problems related to their diet is the
biggest one
Correct word choice
highest
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 ever registered.
A research
Correct determiner usage
Research
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 from the University of California shows that not only the little ones, but, in fact,
people
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 of all ages are having the effects of a diet based
in
Change preposition
on
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 fast
food
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. The poor balance is leading populations to have nutrition problems. Not only obesity, but many others,
such
Linking Words
 as cholesterol and high blood
presure
Correct your spelling
pressure
.
While
Linking Words
people
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 are going for fast
food
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, small
business
Check wording
businesses
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 and family restaurants are experiencing a significant
dicrease
Correct your spelling
decrease
 in sales and costumers and many of them are being
obligated
Verb problem
forced
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 to shut down. As the fast
food
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 companies are taking over all the places,
is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
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 now possible to travel to extremely different, and sometimes remote, parts of the world and find the same
food
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,
while
Linking Words
 finding traditional and local
food
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 is becoming more difficult to find. In conclusion, fast
food
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 "culture" is standardising one of the most important
part
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parts
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 of
people
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's culture, the rituals involved in preparing a traditional meal and the meaning that a dish has for their
people
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. The family recipes are being lost
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the magic memories of cooking traditional
food
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 and passing them to
new
Correct article usage
the new
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 generation
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 becoming rare.

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coherence cohesion
Make your main idea more clear in each body part. Start each part with one clear point, then add support.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Some parts jump too fast from one idea to the next.
task achievement
Add one more clear example about family or society to fully answer all parts of the task.
task achievement
Explain your ideas a bit more. Some points are good, but they need one more line to show how and why.
task achievement
Check grammar in key sentences, because small errors make some ideas less clear.
task achievement
You clearly give your opinion in the first part and keep it to the end.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body parts, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You use one study and some real effects like obesity and loss of local food.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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