IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people choose to move to city centers as it can be beneficial for them. Discuss it is advantage or disadvantage?

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Nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
 go after modern technology and the smart lifestyle to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their desires. So many
people
Use synonyms
 keep moving to the
city
Use synonyms
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 is a usual thing
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 that we can observe.
Then
Linking Words
i'm
Fix capitalization
I'm
show examples
 going to express
Use synonyms
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 of the above fact
aiding
Punctuation problem
, aiding
show examples
this
Linking Words
 essay. As
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 mentioned, most
people
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 moving to the urban
areas
Use synonyms
expecting
Wrong verb form
expect
show examples
 more
benifits
Correct your spelling
benefits
 than they had back in their hometowns.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
populer
Correct your spelling
popular
 schools and universities with good education systems are always located in
city
Use synonyms
areas
Use synonyms
. So
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to have
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 education for their children and
able
Verb problem
be able
show examples
 to lead them to extra activities
such
Linking Words
 as sports and games. And these facts will
obviousely
Correct your spelling
obviously
 help them to make their
kids
Check wording
kids'
show examples
future
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 better. So
Linking Words
This
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
advantages
Use synonyms
 are
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 to make most
people
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 move to the cities.
Secondly
Linking Words
, young adults could get more job opportunities which more suits their academic qualifications. And even
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 all the types of big companies and
organizations
Change the spelling
organisations
show examples
 are located in
city
Use synonyms
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
. As a young person,
its
Use the right word
it's
show examples
 a good opportunity to work with reputed companies which are located in
famouse
Correct your spelling
famous
 cities. And
also
Linking Words
 it would probably affect the
future
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carrer
Use the right word
career
show examples
 paths in
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 way.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the public transportation is more convenient
coparing
Correct your spelling
compared
 to regional
areas
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. So that will
help
Verb problem
make
show examples
 life easier
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
for people
show examples
 who
lived
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
 in urban
areas
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. As we discussed, there are plenty of
advantages
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can
Correct pronoun usage
that one can
show examples
 enjoy
who
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 moving to the
city
Use synonyms
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
. In conclusion,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 would say, there are
number
Correct article usage
a number
show examples
 of
advantages
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comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to the disadvantages. And in
future
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,
this
Linking Words
 situation
probably
Verb problem
will probably
show examples
get increased
Wrong verb form
increase
show examples
,
So
Fix capitalization
so
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 can experience more
benifits
Correct your spelling
benefits
 in
near
Correct article usage
the near
show examples
future
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Answer the question more directly. Say clearly why you think it is more an advantage than a disadvantage.
task response
Write about both sides for a short time, then explain why one side is stronger.
task response
Give one or two real and clear examples, not only general ideas about school and jobs.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. This will make your writing easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words well, like First, Also, For example, and In conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence connects to the one before it. Some parts now feel sudden or repeated.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
Your main view is clear: you think moving to city centers has more good points.
task response
You give relevant ideas about education, jobs, and transport.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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