IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The working week should be shorter and workers should have longer weekend.Do you agree or disagree

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
It has been pointed out that the working weekdays need to be
imperceptible
Punctuation problem
imperceptible,
show examples
while
Linking Words
 others
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
 that authorities should increase irregular
hours
Use synonyms
 for
country's
Correct article usage
the country's
show examples
economic
Replace the word
economy
. Personally, I opine that individuals should approach
this
Linking Words
 issue balanced
.
Check wording
manner.
show examples
 In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will discuss each perspective and give my opinion. On the one hand,
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 is widely believed that irregular
hours
Use synonyms
 can improve economy
due to
Linking Words
 the point that when people work longer
Use synonyms
hours
Punctuation problem
hours,
show examples
 they will definitely accelerate the process of growth. To prove
this
Linking Words
 point, a doctor who works overtime can treat more patients than previous short period of time.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
 extra working
hours
Use synonyms
 could lead to loss of job satisfaction and
emotionally
Replace the word
emotional
 tiring
Punctuation problem
, owing
show examples
owing to
Correct word choice
as
show examples
 they lose fulfilling to work
Punctuation problem
; quantity
show examples
thus
Linking Words
 Quantity may increase, but efficiency and creativity can decline.
In addition
Linking Words
, long
hours
Use synonyms
 may negatively affect family life, as workers spend less time with their families.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
use
Verb problem
argue that
show examples
 the decrease
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 working days could lead to low income
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
Linking Words
 could cause
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
global problems
such
Linking Words
 as financial crisis and starvation. As an example of
this
Linking Words
 is
Yemen
Punctuation problem
Yemen,
show examples
 there is not enough work available,
Linking Words
therefore
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
there has variety problems related to a lack of job so one of them are political instability and
not economically stable
Replace the word
economic instability
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, shorter schedules could improve mental health and allow individuals to pursue personal development.
To conclude
Linking Words
, either working fewer days
and
Correct word choice
or
show examples
 longer days can bring different benefits and drawbacks depending on personal thoughts and encourage people
can
Wrong verb form
to
show examples
 choose working
hours
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 their own needs.Ultimately, flexibility in working arrangements is the key to achieving sustainable progress.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer the question more clearly. Say in the first part if you agree or disagree, and keep this same view through the essay.
task response
Write main ideas in a simpler and clearer way. Some ideas are hard to understand now.
task response
Use examples that fit the topic more closely. The Yemen example is not very clear for this question.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body part focus on one clear point. Then explain it and add one short example.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Some sentences do not connect well with the one before.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph order. Your essay has introduction, body, and conclusion, but the argument changes too much.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic, so the essay is not too short or off topic.
coherence and cohesion
You include an introduction and a conclusion, which gives the essay a full shape.
task response
You try to use examples and results to support your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • motivation
  • mental well-being
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
  • pollution levels
  • traffic congestion
  • consumer spending
  • economic implications
  • leisure and service sectors
What to do next:
Look at other essays: