IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zeland.

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The pie charts
demonstrates
Correct subject-verb agreement
demonstrate
show examples
 online
sales
Use synonyms
 for retail in New
Zeland
Correct your spelling
Zealand
 in 2003 and 2013. They compare 4 different domains
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 are
:
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
travel, film or
music
Use synonyms
,
books
Use synonyms
 and clothes.
Overall
Linking Words
, all sections show changes
between
Change preposition
in
show examples
 online
sales
Use synonyms
.
Pecentage
Correct your spelling
Percentage
 increase in two species (film and
music
Use synonyms
,
books
Use synonyms
).
Also
Linking Words
, we can see
decrease
Correct article usage
a decrease
show examples
 in
travel
Correct article usage
the travel
show examples
 domain and clothes. In fact, pie charts
demonsrates
Correct your spelling
demonstrate
 that no section remained unchanged.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
sales
Use synonyms
 for clothing slight fall from 24 % in 2003 to 16 % in 2013.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
books
Use synonyms
 attend
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
to this
show examples
 trend too. Promotion on travelling shows downward trends from 36 % in 2003 to 29 % in 2013.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
fims
Correct your spelling
films
/
music
Use synonyms
 and
books
Use synonyms
, they
both shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
all show
show examples
 upward trends.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 the percentage of online shopping
sales
Use synonyms
 on films and
music
Use synonyms
 rose sharply from 21 % in 2003 to 33 % in 2013. As for
books
Use synonyms
, their percentage rose slightly from 19 % in 2003 to 22 % in 2013.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, music, books with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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