The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The provided line graph illustrates the number of people who participated in a variety of activities in Melbourne and Australia. And how a variety of changes occurred between 2000 and 2020.
Overall
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,
it is clear that
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there was a huge variation;
however
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, some remain the same with no change.
For instance
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, the number of participants in table tennis increased strongly;
therefore
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, amateur dramatics declined sharply. Meanwhile, participants in
film
Correct article usage
the film
show examples
club remained almost still for around twenty years. Observing the figures that rose
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firstly
Rephrase
first
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, a small number of individuals in 2000 were increasing slowly;
however
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, after
2010
Punctuation problem
2010,
show examples
it had
Verb problem
there was
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a significant rise till 2020.
Also
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, people who participated in activities like martial arts and film club seem to have a slight variation.
In contrast
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, the figures that had dropped reveal an obvious difference.
Furtheremore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, starting from 200 till 2020, the
people
Check wording
number of people
show examples
who participated in amateur dramatics
occure to decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
clearly.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "remain" was used 2 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • participation rates
  • trends
  • significant increases/decreases
  • stable numbers
  • fluctuations
  • overall participation
  • comparison
  • activities
  • social centre
  • Melbourne
  • participants
  • highlight
  • report
  • graph illustrates/demonstrates
  • 20-year period
  • key features
  • main features
  • statistical data
  • variations
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