Shops should not be allowed to sell any food or drink that are scientifically proven to be bad for health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In recent years , the topic of shops should not be allowed to sell any food or drink that
are
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is
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scientifically proven to be bad for health has become increasingly important.
While
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some people believe that shops should be allowed to sell any food or beverage that
are
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is
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scientifically proven to be bad for health, others argue that it should not be allowed to be sold .
This
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essay will discuss both views and give my opinion.
Firstly
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, one of the main reasons is that shopping stores should be able to provide unhealthy foods and other drinks.
This
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means that humans buy them because
it is
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they are
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quick and tasty.
Moreover
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, people are easily influenced
in
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by the
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ads that many companies make.
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,they tend to purchase them to save time and money,
On the other hand
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, some humans think that it shouldn't be permitted.
This
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illustrates that
,
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apply
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many markets offer products
such
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as fast food, sugary drinks, and snacks that contain high levels of fat, sugar or salt, which can harm people's lives if consumed regularly.
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for
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example
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example,
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harmful diseases
such
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as diabetes,obesity, and cancer. In my opinion,
i
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I
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assume that it is a double- edged sword that can benefit us and hurt us at the same time.
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i'm with the idea of allowing that
but
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, but
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limits should be set to save creatures from dangerous infections. In conclusion,
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both views have their advantages, I believe that there should be strict rules for adults and children to be followed.

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task response
Give a clearer answer to the question. Say if you agree, disagree, or partly agree from the start, and keep this same view in all parts.
task response
Add more clear main ideas. Each body part should have one main point and then explain it more.
task response
Use a more real and clear example. Your example about disease is relevant, but it needs more detail to support the point well.
coherence and cohesion
Make links between ideas smoother. Some sentences stop too fast or do not connect well to the next one.
coherence and cohesion
Put similar ideas together. The first body part talks about why people buy bad food, but it is not fully linked to the question about shops and rules.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph flow. Some ideas are repeated, and some sentences are too short, so the essay feels less easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a clear conclusion.
task response
You try to show both sides of the topic before giving your view.
task response
You use some topic words like fast food, sugary drinks, fat, sugar, and salt.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • personal choice
  • a total ban
  • high in sugar
  • high in salt
  • high in fat
  • processed food
  • junk food
  • warning label
  • health risk
  • heart disease
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • the health care system
  • to protect children
  • to reduce harm
  • to make informed choices
  • to limit ads
  • daily habits
  • in moderation
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