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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that a significant difference between a parent’s age and their child's age is a good thing. Do you think the advantages of a significant age gap outweigh the disadvantages?

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Introduction
In
this
Linking Words
 modern
era
Add a comma
era,
show examples
 late marriages are increasingly common as adults
priorities
Wrong verb form
prioritise
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 their career
than
Change preposition
over
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 personal commitments.
As a result
Linking Words
, many people think that it is necessary to have a significant
age
Use synonyms
 gap between
parents
Use synonyms
 and children. I believe
this
Linking Words
 trend has numerous advantages than disadvantages, which will be discussed in the following paragraphs.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, there are a number of benefits to having
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 difference with their
parents
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, guardians will experience how to appropriately take care of their
kids
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, growing
age
Use synonyms
 comes with maturity
in
Punctuation problem
. In
show examples
this
Linking Words
period
Punctuation problem
period,
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 people learn a plethora of things.
For Instance
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, it is not
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 easy task to
upbring
Verb problem
raise
show examples
 children these days, because
kids
Use synonyms
 are stubborn, which requires more patience to handle them. Another reason is
,
Correct word choice
that
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 individuals will be able to take proper responsibilities in their later lives.
However
Linking Words
, in younger
Use synonyms
age
Add a comma
age,
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 they find
themselvs
Correct your spelling
themselves
 in difficult situations where it is very hard to manage career, family and personal relations.
As a consequence
Linking Words
, it is commonly seen in aggression and anger in their behaviour.
Thus
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,it is better to have
kids
Use synonyms
 later in life than younger
age
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.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, a remarkable gap between
parents
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 and
kids
Use synonyms
also
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 drawbacks, which
are not
Verb problem
cannot
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 be easily ignored.
Initially
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,
differenence
Replace the word
differences
 in thinking level may create distance
from each other
Change preposition
between them
show examples
,
as a
Linking Words
result
Punctuation problem
result,
show examples
 they feel lonely and spend less time
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their guardians.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
generation
Correct article usage
the generation
show examples
 gap lack of understanding conflictions are seen nowadays among children. To cite an example, a recent survey conducted by
well-known
Correct article usage
a well-known
show examples
 newspaper reveals that 75% of young adults prefer to live
seperately
Correct your spelling
separately
 from their
parents
Use synonyms
. Because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 they feel suffocated and bound with them.
Along with
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 it, young people face sharing problems as they feel uncomfortable
to share
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sharing
, and less sharing lead stress and depression.
Therefore
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, it is crucial to have freindly environment with their guardians.
Hence
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, they can live their lives calmly and without stress.
Conclusion
In conclusion, every coin has two sides, and it has pros and cons equally.
Nevertheless
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,
age
Use synonyms
 difference is important
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
 young ones.
According to
Linking Words
 me,
limited
Correct article usage
a limited
show examples
 difference in
age
Use synonyms
should
Verb problem
is
show examples
 better for parenting, so there will be no any conflictions may
have seen
Verb problem
arise
show examples
.

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task response
Answer the question more clearly. You first say the good points are stronger, but in the end you say both sides are equal. Keep one clear view from start to end.
task response
Explain your main ideas more fully. Some points are good, but they need clearer reasons and simpler support.
task response
Use examples that directly fit your main point. The survey example is helpful, but it needs clearer link to age gap.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph easy to follow. Start with one main idea, then add support, then finish it.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Some links are good, but a few are not natural or are used too much.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence flow. Some sentences are hard to follow because the order of ideas is not clear.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic, which is important for the task.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraphing, and this helps the reader follow your ideas.
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