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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many cities and towns around the world, traffic jams are a problem. What are the causes of this and what actions can be taken to solve this problem?

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It is very common to have
traffic
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 jams in many cities and towns around the world. There are various reasons for
this
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problem
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, and I will discuss a few of them and try to provide some solutions regarding
this
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problem
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.
Initially
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, in
this
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industrialized
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industrialised
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 world, everyone has been living a fast-paced life, and
that is
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 why everyone chooses to
travel
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 in their own vehicle
instead
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 of public
transportation
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,
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. As
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as a result
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, the number of vehicles on the road is increasing day by day.
This
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 leads to
traffic
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 problems in many cities and towns.
For instance
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, we can notice that there are some particular rush hours in which
traffic
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 is at its highest. These hours are in the morning, when
people
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 are rushing to their work and in the evening when returning to their houses.
Therefore
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, a huge number of
people
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 start gathering on the roads at once, which
consequently
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 leads to
traffic
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. To mitigate
this
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traffic
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problem
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, the authorities should take measurable steps. They should build a sophisticated public
transportation
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 infrastructure so that
people
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 will give more preference to public
transportation
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 rather than their own vehicles. To elaborate, the government can add new buses for each route, especially in the peak hours. By
this
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, they can encourage more
people
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 to
travel
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 by bus rather than by car.
Moreover
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, they can build more flyovers and underground tunnels to make it easier and smoother flow of
traffic
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.
As a result
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, they can easily divide the
traffic
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 for the same route and reduce the jams.
For example
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, China recently built an underground tunnel road in Beijing City
and
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, and
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 they managed to reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
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traffic
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 by 30
percent
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per cent
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 on regular roads.
To conclude
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, the
traffic
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problem
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 is worldwide
and
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, and
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 it is increasing gradually, because
people
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 prefer to
travel
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 in their own vehicles. But if the government build strong infrastructure and motivates
people
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 to
travel
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 by public
transportation
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, they will definitely manage
this
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problem
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.

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task response
For task response, you answer both parts of the question, but you can add one more cause, like poor road planning or too many cars in one family.
task response
For task response, some ideas are clear, but a few points need more detail. Explain more how each solution will work in real life.
task response
For task response, your example about China is useful, but it may be stronger if it sounds more general or if you explain it a little more.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear start, body, and end, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, some linking words are used well, like 'for instance' and 'moreover', but do not use too many in one paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, a few sentences are too long. Shorter sentences can make your ideas easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, paragraph 1 mixes causes and example well, but the flow can be smoother if you group one cause in one clear part.
task response
For task response, you fully talk about causes and solutions, so you stay on the topic.
task response
For task response, your main ideas are easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your introduction and conclusion are both present and clear.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your paragraphs are in a logical order.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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