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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people spend most of their lives living close to where they were born. What might be the reasons for this? What are the advantages and disadvantages?

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It is considered that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 most individuals spend most of their time living close to their
birth place
Correct your spelling
birthplace
. In
this
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 essay, I shall articulate the reasons behind
this
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issue
Punctuation problem
issue,
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 followed by both advantages and disadvantages.
To begin
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 with, there are
plethora
Correct article usage
a plethora
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 of reasons behind people living close to their
hometown
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
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, having a strong bond with their loved
ones
Use synonyms
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as families, neighbours, and friends let them stay in their
hometown
Use synonyms
.
For example
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, many people
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
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 not want to lose their loved
ones
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, they feel like they want to enjoy each and every moment
of
Change preposition
with
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 their special
ones
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
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,
Use synonyms
person
Correct article usage
a person
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 may feel attached to their roots
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and have
a
Correct article usage
apply
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sentimental values regarding their place. They feel
stress free
Correct your spelling
stress-free
 and relaxed by living in
a
Correct article usage
an
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 area where they are familiar
about
Change preposition
with
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 everything. There are many benefits of living in their actual
hometown
Use synonyms
 in terms of knowing about their culture, traditions, and so forth. Precisely,
Use synonyms
person
Correct subject-verb agreement
people
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 know about the older generation
like
Punctuation problem
, like
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 how they sacrifice to live happily and tackling of problems. It gives them chances to know about their culture, so they can spread awareness and educate their own child. Not only
this
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, but it
also
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 tells them how they can
make their
Correct word order
develop their hometown
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hometown
Use synonyms
 developed. Like what changes need to be
done
Verb problem
made
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 in order to make their
hometown
Use synonyms
looking
Wrong verb form
look
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 good.
However
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, there are
also
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 some drawbacks in living
their
Change preposition
in their
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 own birthplace
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as lifestyle, career, and so on. Primarily, there might be
less chances of
Correct determiner usage
fewer
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 job
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
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due to
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which
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, which
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person
Use synonyms
also
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feels
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lead to
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 financial instability.
This
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 makes the
person
Use synonyms
's life stressful and may not be able to live happily with
family
Correct determiner usage
their family
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.
Furthermore
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, in some backwards
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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,
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
a person
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person
Check wording
person's
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 lifestyle is considered to be not good.
Due to
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which
Correct pronoun usage
this
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, there are many chances of getting sick and
inappropriate
Correct article usage
an inappropriate
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 environment to live healthy.
To conclude
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, many individuals like to live in their own hometowns because they feel attached to their loved
ones
Use synonyms
.
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This
Fix the agreement mistake
These
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 issues have some benefits in terms of feeling
conneted
Correct your spelling
connected
 to their culture, but
also
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 there are some drawbacks liekly lack of opportunities and their lifestyle.

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task response
Answer all parts in a more equal way. You gave reasons, good points, and bad points, but some parts need more detail.
task response
Use clearer main ideas in each body paragraph. Start with one clear point, then explain it, then give one simple example.
task response
Give more real and specific examples. Your ideas are relevant, but examples are very general.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start and end, which is good. Keep this shape.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more clearly. Some sentences do not connect well, so the flow is not always smooth.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple and correct linking words like first, also, however, and as a result.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph focus. Some sentences in the advantage paragraph are not fully clear or go too far from the main point.
task response
You answered the full question: reasons, good points, and bad points.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs show a basic plan, which helps the reader follow your essay.
task response
Some ideas are good and relevant, like family ties and few job chances.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Familiarity
  • Comfort
  • Social ties
  • Family ties
  • Belonging
  • Resources
  • Opportunities
  • Fear
  • Unknown
  • Financial constraints
  • Cultural attachment
  • Language barriers
  • Limited education
  • Skills
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