IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Nowadays, people believe that governments should invest tax-payer's money in healthcare, other believe that money should be used in other areas. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion

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In today's fast-paced world, governments
plays
Correct subject-verb agreement
play
show examples
 a crucial role in
country's
Correct article usage
a country's
show examples
overall
Linking Words
 development. Some people argue that authorities should invest
tax-payer's
Check wording
taxpayers'
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 in
healthcare
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others think that other
areas
Use synonyms
 should
also
Linking Words
important
Verb problem
be important
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both views before presenting my own opinion. One main advantage of investing funds in
Use synonyms
healthcare
Correct article usage
the healthcare
show examples
 sector is improving
medical
Correct article usage
the medical
show examples
field
Use synonyms
. In recent years, many harmful diseases are out of control
with
Change preposition
due to the
show examples
 non-availability of funds to medical
field
Use synonyms
. Hospitals lack modern
operation
Replace the word
operating
 machinery and different life-saving medicines. It's the
responsibilty
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 of
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 to invest in
Use synonyms
healthcare
Correct article usage
the healthcare
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 sector and
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
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 individuals to live a healthy life. Another benefit of investing in
this
Linking Words
field
Use synonyms
 is that people
avail
Verb problem
have access to
show examples
 facilities in hospitals and medical centres
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 helps them to get rid of harmful diseases and get benefits related to their issues. By
contrat
Correct your spelling
contrast
, spending
money
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 on other
areas
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
also
Linking Words
 beneficial for
overall
Linking Words
 development. Authorities have to spend
money
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 on multiple sectors
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 education, transport, and infrastructure. These fields are
also
Linking Words
 playing their role in country development. Investing
money
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 public transport promotes healthy traffic with minimum traffic congestion.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
high quality
Correct your spelling
high-quality
 education
allow
Correct subject-verb agreement
allows
show examples
 individuals to
get
Verb problem
achieve
show examples
 success at an early age and earn
sustainable
Correct article usage
a sustainable
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 income.
Therefore
Linking Words
, these
areas
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 have great importance. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 both views have merits, I firmly believe that investing
money
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 multiple
areas
Use synonyms
 is more beneficial than a single
healthare
Correct your spelling
healthcare
field
Use synonyms
.
Use synonyms
Healthcare
Correct article usage
The healthcare
show examples
 industry
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 importance,
Linking Words
however
Punctuation problem
however,
show examples
 other
areas
Use synonyms
 might be more crucial.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You talk about health and other areas, but your ideas are not fully developed.
task response
Give a clearer opinion in the body, not only in the end. This will make your position easier to follow.
task response
Use more specific examples. For example, name how health money can help poor people, or how transport can help workers.
coherence and cohesion
Make your main ideas more clear in each paragraph. Start each body paragraph with one clear point, then explain it.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Some sentences feel separate, so use simple linking words like also, because, for example, and however in the right place.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph unity. In some places, one idea starts but another idea comes too fast without enough support.
task response
You discuss both views and give your opinion, so you answer the main task.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is easy to understand most of the time.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Tax-payer’s money
  • Healthcare
  • Long-term costs
  • Productive workforce
  • Sick days
  • Equal access
  • Essential services
  • Sectors
  • Education
  • Infrastructure
  • Defense
  • Development
  • Security
  • Knowledgeable population
  • Innovation
  • Economic growth
  • Quality of life
  • Funding allocation
  • Comprehensive development
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