‏Some people think that good health is very important to every person, so ‏medical service should not be run by profit-making companies. Do the ‏advantages of private healthcare outweigh the disadvantages.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
It is widely believed that every individual should be both mentally and physically healthy.
That is
Linking Words
why
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
a number of people argue that private cooperation should not operate money making
health
Use synonyms
care business. In my opinion, the disadvantages
outweighs
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweigh
show examples
the advantages. In
this
Linking Words
essay, I'm going to provide my arguments and opinions
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
the same. The major drawback of
privatization of the
Correct word order
the privatisation of
show examples
hospitals is that they have made medical
services
Use synonyms
inaccessible and unaffordable to the general public. Healthcare should be universal for every individual
regardless
Punctuation problem
, regardless
show examples
of their sex, gender, race, caste, etc. The world is dealing with major healthcare issues in the present
world
Check wording
apply
show examples
.
That is
Linking Words
why it is important for
every one
Correct your spelling
everyone
to be able to receive medical benefits for their sound
health
Use synonyms
and
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
.
However
Linking Words
,
Profit making
Correct your spelling
profit-making
health
Use synonyms
businesses exploit
common
Correct article usage
the common
show examples
man for their financial greed.
This
Linking Words
, in turn, has caused
economic
Correct article usage
an economic
show examples
avalanche in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society to be able to afford even basic medical facilities.
For instance
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
According
Fix capitalization
according
show examples
to
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
Ministry of
Health
Use synonyms
, People don't opt for healthcare
services
Use synonyms
anymore because
it is
Fix the agreement mistake
they are
show examples
unaffordable for them.
As a result
Linking Words
, a large number of people are suffering from various
life threatning
Correct your spelling
life-threatening
diseases which eventually cost them their lives. One of the advantages of that private
health
Use synonyms
institution provides
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
health
Use synonyms
care professionals and
services
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
is because these professionals spend thousands of dollars
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
medical school and work hard for
couple
Correct article usage
a couple
show examples
of years in order to start earning good money.
As a result
Linking Words
, their high wages are well deserved for their excellent medical
services
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, a patient who is very rich and is suffering from Cancer can opt for these private cooperative
services
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they might help the patient recover faster and effectively with their wide range of doctor specialists and technologies
availabe
Correct your spelling
available
to them. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
these
money mongering
Correct your spelling
money-mongering
businesses do have their own
well placed
Correct your spelling
well-placed
services
Use synonyms
, I believe
health
Use synonyms
care should be accessible to everyone regardless of anything.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Make your main answer more clear in the first paragraph. Say exactly that the disadvantages are greater, and keep this idea clear in all body paragraphs.
task response
Add one more clear idea for each side. This will make your answer more full and more balanced.
task response
Use examples that feel more real and direct. Some examples are too general, so they do not strongly support your point.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. This will make the essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like 'first', 'also', 'however', and 'therefore' in a careful way.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence flow. Some sentences are long and unclear, so break them into shorter parts.
task response
You clearly give your opinion and keep it to the end.
task response
You discuss both advantages and disadvantages, so you answer all parts of the question.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas move in a logical order.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general
Topic Vocabulary:
  • equitable access
  • medical care
  • financial status
  • non-profit services
  • efficiency
  • quality of services
  • competition
  • funding
  • treatment times
  • cutting-edge technologies
  • cost considerations
  • unaffordable
  • health inequalities
  • innovation
  • research and development
  • medical technology
  • treatment methods
  • patient-centered care
  • personalized care
  • customer-oriented care
  • patient experience
  • regulation
  • oversight
  • cost barriers
  • non-profitable patients
What to do next:
Look at other essays: