Some people believe that the government should financially support retired people. Others think they should care for themselves. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In recent
times
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times,
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many retired
people
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have either set up their pension to
support
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themselves during their retirement
but
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, but
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there are
also
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alot
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a lot
of retired
people
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who
could not
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cannot
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afford to
support
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themselves even after working all
there
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their
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life. I think that the
governement
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government
should provide financial
support
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to retired
people
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. Alot of older
people
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after spending all there life working are unable to
support
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themselves during there later years, often relying on there family, but in the case they do not have any children or family they have to depend on themselves and work until the end not being able to rest and working often beyond their limitations causing them to weaken their body
further
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. in cases
such
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as these where the retired
people
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cannot
support
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themselves the government should give them financial
support
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so that they do not overwork themselves to an early grave. The elderly have paid taxes all
there life
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their lives
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so
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, so
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i
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I
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suggest they should
also
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recieve
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receive
some help in their later years
especially
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, especially
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for those who cannot afford to retire and have no one they can rely on. Some retired
people
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that
ive
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I've
seen have lost everything and ended up becoming homeless
and
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, and
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some handicapped not
being
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apply
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able to work or
support
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themselves. These kinds have no choice but to beg just to survive
due to
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not being able to work because of their weak or handicapped body. I suggest that the government should
have a
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apply
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set up a public trust fund to
support
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the care of retired
people
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as
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,
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to
helping
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help
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them through their later years
so
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, so
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that they do not end
having
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up having
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to beg or working themselves to an early grave.
This
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would
also
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help the government gain more elderly
vote
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voters
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while
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also
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helping the retired
people
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in return
which
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, which
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would be a win-win situation.

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task response
Discuss both sides more clearly. You mostly support government help, but you do not explain enough why some people think old people should pay for themselves.
task response
Give your opinion in a clear way in the introduction and again in the end. Your opinion is there, but the full answer is not balanced.
task response
Use one clear main idea in each body paragraph, then add support for it.
task response
Add simple examples that are more specific. For example, talk about pension savings, family support, or health costs.
coherence and cohesion
Make your essay easier to follow with a clear 4-part structure: introduction, one paragraph for view 1, one paragraph for view 2, conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly with simple words like first, however, for example, because, as a result, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid very long sentences. Shorter sentences will make your ideas clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Your last paragraph is too short and repeats your opinion. Add a short summary of both views before the final opinion.
task response
Your main opinion is clear: you believe the government should support retired people.
task response
You stay on the topic and write about real problems old people face, like poor health and no family support.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas have a basic order, and the reader can follow your general message.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words like but, so, and also to connect ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financially support
  • retired people
  • responsibility
  • standard of living
  • poverty rates
  • elderly
  • essential living expenses
  • housing
  • healthcare
  • caregivers
  • substantial financial burden
  • aging population
  • life expectancies
  • self-sufficient
  • welfare systems
  • tax incentives
  • retirement savings plans
  • personal responsibility
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