IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

two pie charts below show the percentages of industry's sectors' contribution to the economy

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
The two pie charts illustrate the percentages of
industry's
Correct article usage
the industry's
show examples
 sectors' contribution to the economy. It compares between
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2000 and 2016.
Overall
Linking Words
, Agriculture is the highest
amount
Use synonyms
 in
2000
Punctuation problem
2000,
show examples
while
Linking Words
 it received less in 16 years later. The lowest
amount
Use synonyms
 was
Construction
Change preposition
in Construction
show examples
 in 2000. Healthcare
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and Education maintained the proportion
Linking Words
whereas
Punctuation problem
, whereas
show examples
 the other 7 categories showed different fluctuations. Agriculture received the
amount
Use synonyms
 of 24% in 2000, which
charged
Verb problem
accounted for
show examples
 the most in the pie
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
, it decreased to 14%. The highest
amout
Correct your spelling
amount
 of the chart in 2016 changed to Healthcare and Education, with 17%. Construction received the minimum
amount
Use synonyms
within
Change preposition
of
show examples
 3 per cent
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 in 2000. In 2016, its proportion became 10% and showed
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 6th highest sector of contribution.
Finanace
Correct your spelling
Finance
, Business and Other showed the lowest
amount
Use synonyms
 in 2016, though it gained 3% from 5 in the year 2000.
While
Linking Words
 the other categories had various fluctuations from -10 to 7 per cent in the period, Healthcare and Education remained
stabely
Correct your spelling
stable
, with 17%.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words amount with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentages" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "fluctuations" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: