IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that it is essential to include Physical Education classes in the curriculum children, others think that for all school age children's time is better spent on more academic subjects. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

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Nowadays, there is
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 ongoing argument that it is important to introduce Physical
Education
Use synonyms
 classes in the curriculum
children
Change preposition
for children
show examples
,
although
Linking Words
 others believe that all
education
Use synonyms
 systems should focus on more academic subject compare to physical
education
Use synonyms
 because it helps to build
future
Correct article usage
a future
show examples
career
Use synonyms
 and achieving
Correct article usage
a
show examples
good score will give a chance to
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
show examples
 in reputed university.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine both perspectives before presenting my own opinion.
Firstly
Linking Words
, introducing physical
education
Use synonyms
 classes help know a lot of knowledge about
human
Correct article usage
the human
show examples
beings
Check wording
apply
show examples
body
parts
Check wording
apply
show examples
, how
actually it is worked
Correct word order
it actually works
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 can help to maintain healthy fitness and develop healthy habits from an
elarly
Correct your spelling
early
 age. In
adition
Correct your spelling
addition
, young pupils can learn
team work
Correct your spelling
teamwork
, discipline and stress management.
For instance
Linking Words
, students who participate in
regulary psysically
Correct your spelling
regular physical
 activities often show better focus in their academic studies as well.
On the other hand
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, some people believe that the academic
subjects
Use synonyms
 should be
more
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 priority. They argue that
subject
Check wording
subjects
show examples
 including mathematics, scienec that
subjects
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 are not
help
Correct word choice
only to help
show examples
 make
future
Correct article usage
a future
show examples
career
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 but
also
Linking Words
help
Verb problem
apply
show examples
to get a chance at
top
Correct article usage
a top
show examples
 university.
For example
Linking Words
, learners who are studying
major
Correct article usage
a major
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 in science, if they get a good score which will help
get
Correct pronoun usage
them get
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 a good
career
Use synonyms
 path
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 are the most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
students dream
.
Change preposition
of.
show examples
Therefore
Linking Words
, personally
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 would like
go
Verb problem
to go
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 with academic subject which are more
to be effecitve
Replace the word
effective
 for
scholers
Correct your spelling
scholars
.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
physical
Correct article usage
the physical
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 system
help know about
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps to gain
show examples
 more
extra
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
knowledge and try to
fits
Wrong verb form
fit
show examples
, spending
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 academic
subjects
Use synonyms
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 to ensure their
career
Use synonyms
 path
as well as
Linking Words
 secure top class university seat. Having considered both sides thoroughly, I have personally come to believe that undergraduate students should focus on academic
subjects
Use synonyms
than
Correct word choice
rather than
show examples
 physical
education
Use synonyms
 .

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task response
Answer both sides in a more full way. Give one clear main idea for each side.
task response
Give your opinion in a clear way in the thesis and keep the same view to the end.
task response
Use one or two simple and real examples to support each main point.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph have one main point only.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear linking words like First, Also, However, and Therefore.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence connects well to the next one.
task response
You discussed both views and gave your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas are in a clear order.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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