IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

the charts below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in australia are currently attending

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
The charts illustrate information on the location and types of
dance
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
 young people in a town are attending in Australia.
overall
Linking Words
 private studios
the
Verb problem
have the
show examples
 highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
classes
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 collage-based studios represent
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the lowest
percentage
Use synonyms
.
compared
Fix capitalization
Compared
show examples
 with types of
dance
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
 Ballet the biggest
percentage
Use synonyms
 of young people who are aged under 11,
whereas
Linking Words
 modern
classes
Use synonyms
 recorded the highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 with people who are aged 11-16.
looking
Fix capitalization
Looking
show examples
 at
location
Correct article usage
the location
show examples
 of
dance
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
private
Punctuation problem
, private
show examples
 studios accounted for the largest proportion at 48%, followed by school halls at 24%,
while
Linking Words
 community halls came next by 18%.
the
Fix capitalization
The
show examples
 remaining was 10%.
regarding
Fix capitalization
Regarding
show examples
 the types of
dance
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
ballet
Punctuation problem
, ballet
show examples
classes
Use synonyms
 had the biggest
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 attending
by
Change preposition
, with
show examples
 650
under
Check wording
students under
show examples
 the
age
Use synonyms
 of eleven,
whereas
Linking Words
 tap
classes
Use synonyms
 came next
by
Change preposition
, with
show examples
 450
Use synonyms
number of
Check wording
apply
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 under the
age
Use synonyms
 of eleven
Punctuation problem
. Modern
show examples
group
Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
 is followed by modern
classes
Use synonyms
 recorded the lowest
number
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 under the
age
Use synonyms
 of eleven
Use synonyms
Punctuation problem
, group
show examples
group by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 300.
compared
Fix capitalization
Compared
show examples
 with
11
Correct article usage
the 11
show examples
-16
aged
Replace the word
age
Use synonyms
group
Punctuation problem
group,
show examples
 modern
classes
Use synonyms
 accounted for the largest
number
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
students
Punctuation problem
students,
show examples
are attending by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 510
.
Verb problem
attending.
show examples
Linking Words
while
Fix capitalization
While
show examples
 tap
classes
Use synonyms
 came next with
Use synonyms
number
Correct article usage
a number
show examples
 of
students
Use synonyms
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
attending
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
420
.
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 the remaining was ballet
had
Correct pronoun usage
, which had
show examples
 the lowest
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
number of
Check wording
apply
show examples
students
Use synonyms
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
attending from the same
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 79%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words dance, classes, percentage, students, age, number, group with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 6 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • distribution
  • attendance
  • community centers
  • dance schools
  • private studios
  • ballet
  • hip-hop
  • contemporary
  • ballroom
  • analysis
  • popularity
  • accessibility
  • cost
  • cultural trends
  • media influences
What to do next:
Look at other essays: