IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

That\'s why some people argue that financial support from governments should only be given to scientific research rather than other less useful subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There is a growing debate about which sector is better for
government
Use synonyms
 funding.
While
Linking Words
 some believe that
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should be
financial
Replace the word
financially
 responsible for scientific research, I believe that other sectors are batter option for funding
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
heath
Correct your spelling
health
 service,
education
Use synonyms
 and transportation. There are a number of reasons why governments invest money
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 other sectors. One possible reason is that unless the
government
Use synonyms
funding
Verb problem
provides funding
show examples
 in the
education
Use synonyms
 sector,
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 cannot become educated.
Moreover
Linking Words
, educated
people
Use synonyms
 play a crucial role in a country’s development
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 innovating new machines and technology.
For example
Linking Words
, particularly in Japan, the Japanese
people
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 recently innovated
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 AI technology machine for helping
people
Use synonyms
 because most of the
people
Use synonyms
 are
involve
Wrong verb form
involved
show examples
 with
education
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, educated
people
Use synonyms
 get better job opportunity in abroad, which leads to increasing a country’s foreign exchange income. Another important reason is that every country’s
people
Use synonyms
 need adequate
hath
Use the right word
health
show examples
 support. Without getting proper
health
Use synonyms
 service, they cannot lead their life effortlessly because
health
Use synonyms
 is the main wealth of
human’s
Check wording
human
show examples
 life. If
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 cannot invest money
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
health
Use synonyms
service
Check wording
services
show examples
,
people
Use synonyms
 died rate will rise.
This
Linking Words
 is because private
health
Use synonyms
 services
rate
Correct subject-verb agreement
rates
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 increase
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 leads
people
Use synonyms
cannot able
Wrong verb form
to be unable
show examples
 to pay their
health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
bill
Fix the agreement mistake
bills
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Bangladesh, 40% of
people
Use synonyms
 died in every year
because
Change preposition
due to a
show examples
 lack of
health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
facility
Check wording
facilities
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, improving
health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
 facility help to increase
county’s
Correct article usage
the county’s
show examples
 reputation among other countries. In conclusion, considering all the factors mentioned above,
although
Linking Words
 scientific research is important for country development, I think that
health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
 are basic
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
 for every human.

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task response
Answer the question more directly. Say if you agree, disagree, or partly agree, and keep this clear in all body parts.
task response
Write about both sides if needed, but make your own view strong and clear from start to end.
task response
Add one more clear idea about scientific research, because the question is about money for science, not only health and school.
task response
Use examples that are more exact and easy to trust. Short, real, and clear examples are better.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each body part, then explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a careful way. Words like however, moreover, and for example should fit the meaning exactly.
coherence and cohesion
Make sentences shorter and clearer. This will help the reader follow your ideas more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Some points need more support. After each main idea, add a short reason and one clear result.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the introduction and keep the same side in the conclusion.
task response
You talk about important public areas like health and education, so your ideas are on topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear basic shape: introduction, two body parts, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words such as while, moreover, also, for example, and however.
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