some people believe that it is wrong to keep animals in zoos, while others think that zoos are both entertainment and ecological important. Discuss both views

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In
this
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contemporary era, artificial
habitats
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for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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animals
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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the best way to keep them safe. It is argued that keeping
animals
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in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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man-made
habitats
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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debatable,
while
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others believe that park
reserves
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might be used for recreational activities
as well as
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sustainability
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the sustainability
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of
an
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the
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environment.
Although
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,
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apply
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conservative parks provide them
safe
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a safe
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environment, how
ever
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However,
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their negative effect on the freedom of
animals
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can not be overlooked. Analysing the statement and explaining it
further
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, the most salient reason
that
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apply
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why it is prohibited to keep
animals
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in zoos is that they
are feeling to be
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feel
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under control,as they can not roam around
as per
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at
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their
ease
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own discretion
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. Being locked in one place not only
escalate
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escalates
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their stress level but
also
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make
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makes
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them
frustated
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frustrated
. To cite an example, numerous studies
has
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have
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shown that there is a significant change in the behaviour of
animals
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who are living
Wrong verb form
that live
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in
the
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apply
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natural
habitats
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as compared to those living in the man -made
habitats
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.
Moreover
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, captive
animals
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often
suffered
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suffer
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from various health issues
such
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as obesity, malnutrition, and various ailments caused by
unnatural
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an unnatural
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diet.
Consequently
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, it might affect their existence in the future. Another reason supporting the second view
strinking
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striking
in my mind is that artifical
animals
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reserves
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might be used as a source of
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
entertainment as people come to visit these
reserves
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with their family
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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not only
broaden
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broadens
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their
knowdege
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knowledge
horizon but
also
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help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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them to revitalise themselves.
Besides
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, keeping
animals
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which are at extinction is the best way to save them for future
generation
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generations
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as well as
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to maintain ecological balance.
For example
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, Panda is mostly at
the
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apply
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risk of extinction,as numerous artificial wildlife
reserves
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keep
Wrong verb form
are kept
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under
suitable
Correct article usage
a suitable
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environment.
Therefore
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, we can keep them alive for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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thousands
years
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of years
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. To encapsulate,
although
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confinment
Correct your spelling
confinement
could be a curse for
animals
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for their survival,
yet
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apply
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it can be used as a form of public entertainment
coupled with
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ecological importance because it
protect
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protects
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and
breed
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breeds
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endangered species.

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task response
Answer both sides more clearly. Say why each side is right, then give your own view in a direct way.
task response
Use simpler and clearer main ideas. Some ideas are good, but some parts are hard to understand.
task response
Add more exact examples. Your panda example is helpful, but it needs more detail.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph follow one main point only. This will help the reader follow your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a natural way. Some links are used, but some sentences still feel broken.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and grammar, because grammar problems make your meaning less clear.
task response
You discuss both views and give your own opinion at the end.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You use examples to support your ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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