IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some people like to live in the same area for their whole life while others prefer to change the area where they live frequently depending on their needs. discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In modern times, there are those who say that living in the same area for
entire
Correct determiner usage
their entire
show examples
Use synonyms
life
Punctuation problem
life,
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while
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 others
preferred
Wrong verb form
prefer
show examples
 to change the
place
Use synonyms
 where they feel more convenient, better
opportunity
Check wording
opportunities
show examples
 for occupations,
education
Use synonyms
 systems and
advance
Replace the word
advanced
 hospitals. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will examine both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
perspectives before presenting my own opinion. There are many main reasons
that
Change preposition
for
show examples
 living in the same
place
Use synonyms
 for
whole
Correct article usage
a whole
show examples
life
Use synonyms
because
Correct word choice
, as
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 staying from an early childhood may
developed
Wrong verb form
develop
show examples
 serious emotions and
memories
Use synonyms
 for that certain
place
Use synonyms
. To illustrate, emotions and
memories
Use synonyms
are
Verb problem
apply
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play a crucial role in indivduals
life
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, a
person
Use synonyms
 who
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 a lot of
feeling
Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
show examples
 and
memories
Use synonyms
,
this
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person
Use synonyms
 could not migrate different
place
Use synonyms
 because he
feel
Correct subject-verb agreement
feels
show examples
such
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 as alone, anxiety and depression .
In addition
Linking Words
, most
memories
Use synonyms
are belongs
Wrong verb form
belong
show examples
 to childhood
life
Use synonyms
, and it plays a vital role
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a
Use synonyms
person
Check wording
person's
show examples
life
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the majority of reasons that the public
change
Correct subject-verb agreement
changes
show examples
 various
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
locations
because
Verb problem
are because
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 of better opportunities
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
job
Check wording
jobs
show examples
,
education
Use synonyms
 systems and better hospital facilities. To clarify, if a
person
Use synonyms
 living in
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and he wanted to pursue
further
Linking Words
education
Use synonyms
 from reputed University.
As a result
Linking Words
, he has to moved in urban area,
Linking Words
whereas
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 several facilities
available
Verb problem
are available
show examples
 for
education
Use synonyms
 and better living standards.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the majority of individuals have migrated from rural areas to improve their quality of
life
Use synonyms
 and better job
opportunity
Check wording
opportunities
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I personally support
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
immigration from different places,
Linking Words
whereas
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 a huge
of
Check wording
number of
show examples
 opportunities
available
Verb problem
are available
show examples
.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 living in the
similar
Correct word choice
same
show examples
place
Use synonyms
 for
entire
Correct article usage
an entire
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 developed strong emotions and
memories
Use synonyms
, moving
in the
Change preposition
to
show examples
 different locations for better opportunities
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 an important role improve their way of
life
Use synonyms
. Having considered both sides thoroughly, I personally come to believe that migrating
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 to improve the quality of
life
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more equal way. Give one clear point for each side, then explain it well.
task response
Give your opinion in a very clear sentence in the intro and again in the end.
task response
Use more specific examples. Your ideas are relevant, but some examples are too general.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph follow one clear plan: main idea, explanation, example.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, for example, on the other hand, and therefore.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid long sentences with many small grammar problems, because they make your meaning hard to follow.
task response
You discuss both views and you give your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear intro, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas stay on the topic.
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