IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In modern world, it is no longer necessary to use animals for food or use animal products, for instance, clothing and medicines. To what extent do you agree or disagree?”

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In
this
Linking Words
 modern era, wildlife plays an essential role in
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 world. Some individuals believe that
animals
Use synonyms
 should not be used to process any
food
Use synonyms
, clothing
and
Correct word choice
, or
show examples
 medicine
products
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will argue that wildlife is entirely necessary as human to make the world perfect.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 number of extinct
animals
Use synonyms
 is increasing with time, which is the result of
making species in endanger
Correct word order
endangering species
show examples
. To illustrate,
due to
Linking Words
use
Correct article usage
the use
show examples
 of
animals
Use synonyms
 in
food
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
products
Add a comma
products,
show examples
 their number is decreasing
fast
Replace the word
faster
 than their birth rate.
For instance
Linking Words
, as per a recent survey, 80% of
goat
Correct article usage
the goat
show examples
 population in
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
 is used as meat to provide
food
Use synonyms
 to people
by
Change preposition
,
show examples
 which population of goat is diminishing.
In addition
Linking Words
, these days,
animals
Use synonyms
 are
infecting
Wrong verb form
being infected
show examples
 with fatal
disease
Check wording
diseases
show examples
due to
Linking Words
genetically
Replace the word
genetic
 modification.
As a result
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 will not
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a good idea to use
animals
Use synonyms
 for
food
Use synonyms
 and
products
Use synonyms
. On the other side, it is impossible to become independent and start processing
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
products
Use synonyms
 from other sources. To clarify,
Use synonyms
animals
Check wording
animal
show examples
products
Use synonyms
 are of good quality
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 manufactured from
animals
Use synonyms
 have good protein portion
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is impossible to get from vegetables.
For example
Linking Words
, cabbage has only good
fiber
Change the spelling
fibre
show examples
 content, but meat is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 source of
fiber
Change the spelling
fibre
show examples
 and protein. To recapitulate,
animals
Use synonyms
 should not be used for
food
Use synonyms
 because
their
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
some species are getting
in endanger
Replace the word
endangered
,
whereas
Linking Words
animals
Use synonyms
 can only provide
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 quality of
food
Use synonyms
 and
products
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay argued that it will be impossible to think that wild
animals
Use synonyms
 are not important to use for
food
Use synonyms
, and to process
products
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as clothing.

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task response
Make your main answer very clear in the first part. Say if you agree, disagree, or partly agree, and keep this same idea all through the essay.
task response
Answer all parts of the question. The topic is about food, clothes, and medicine, but your essay talks mostly about food.
task response
Give ideas that are easy to understand. Some lines do not match your main point, so the reader is not sure what you mean.
task response
Use examples that fit your point and sound real. Some examples in the essay are not clear or may not be true.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each body paragraph. Then add 1 or 2 reasons and one clear example.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a simple way, like first, also, however, and as a result. Do not use them if the idea does not really change.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each sentence follows the one before it. A few parts jump from one idea to another too fast.
coherence and cohesion
Keep key words the same. You use wildlife, animals, and wild animals in ways that are not always the same.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear essay shape with an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
You try to give reasons and examples to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words like to begin with, for instance, and as a result.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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