IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In modern world, it is no longer necessary to use animals for food or use animal products, for instance, clothing and medicines. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In
this
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 modern era, wildlife plays an essential role in the world. Some individuals believe that
animals
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 should not be used to process any
food
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, clothing, or medicine
products
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.
This
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 essay will argue that wildlife is entirely necessary as human to make the world perfect.
To begin
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 with, the number of extinct
animals
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 is increasing with time, which is the result of endangering species. To illustrate,
due to
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 the use of
animals
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 in
food
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 and
products
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, their number is decreasing faster than their birth rate.
For instance
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, as per a recent survey, 80% of the goat population in the world is used as meat to provide
food
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 to people,
which
Correct determiner usage
a
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 population of goat is diminishing.
In addition
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, these days,
animals
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 are being infected with fatal diseases
due to
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 genetic modification.
As a result
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,
this
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 will not a good idea to use
animals
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 for
food
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 and
products
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. On the other
side
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hand
show examples
, it is impossible to become independent and start processing the same
products
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 from other sources. To clarify, animal
products
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 are of good quality , and
food
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 manufactured from
animals
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 have good protein portion , which is impossible to get from vegetables.
For example
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, cabbage has only good fibre content, but meat is a source of fibre and protein. To recapitulate,
animals
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 should not be used for
food
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 because some species are getting endangered,
whereas
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animals
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 can only provide a good quality of
food
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 and
products
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.
This
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 essay argued that it will be impossible to think that wild
animals
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 are not important to use for
food
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, and to process
products
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such
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 as clothing.

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task response
Make your main view clear from the start. You say animals should not be used, but later you say they are necessary.
task response
Answer the question more directly. Say how far you agree or disagree, and keep the same view in all parts.
task response
Use examples that clearly support your point. Some examples are not clear or may not be true.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each body paragraph. This will make your essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use link words in a careful way. Some are used, but a few ideas do not connect well.
coherence and cohesion
Make each sentence follow the last one in a smooth way. A few parts feel sudden or mixed.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You try to give reasons and examples for your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words like 'To begin with', 'For instance', and 'As a result'.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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