IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Few people devote time to hobbies nowadays. Say why you think this is the case and what effect this has on the individual and society in general. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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The dynamic changes in our
world
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 are inevitable. One of these changes would be how there are fewer
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number of
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apply
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people
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 who spend
time
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 with their
hobbies
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.
This
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 essay will discuss the reasons for
lesser
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the lesser
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number
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 of
people
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 devoting their
time
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 to
hobbies
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 nowadays and its
overall
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 impact on
individuals
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 and the community.
Firstly
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, technological advancement has reduced the
number
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 of
people
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 who engage in
hobbies
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.
This
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 is because most
individuals
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 unintentionally prefer spending
time
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 endlessly scrolling on social media, and
this
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 phenomenon is becoming increasingly common across all ages.
For instance
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, most young children and senior citizens today prefer watching shows on YouTube or Netflix over spending
time
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 with their friends playing a sport or learning to stitch.
Moreover
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, poor work-life balance has led to
significant
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a significant
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 rise in
workload
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the workload
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 of most of the employed population across countries.
This
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 has led to constant fatigue and demotivation among them to engage in activities
such
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 as painting, singing, and hockey. These factors have individualistic and societal implications. A person who is not willing or able to perform their
hobbies
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 might eventually find life very monotonous, and
this
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 could severely impact their mental health.
For instance
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, in extreme cases, they might become depressed and feel high levels of anxiety on a daily basis. When
large
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a large
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number
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 of
individuals
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 do not engage in their
hobbies
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, the
world
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 misses out on various talents.
For instance
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, the
world
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 might not see a player better than Tiger Woods if a naturally talented
golf player
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golfer
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 does not spend
time
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 playing golf.
Additionally
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, there is a substantial chance that over
time
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, we could lose out on ancient
artforms
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art forms
such
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 as calligraphy or knitting.
Hobbies
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 bring together
people
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 with similar interests, and constant neglect towards them could make
individuals
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 in the community more socially distant, disrupting social harmony. To summarise, technological improvements and deteriorating work-life balance might lead to fewer
individuals
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 spending
time
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with
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on
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 their
hobbies
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.
However
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,
hobbies
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 are extremely crucial for individual well-being and to build and maintain social relationships. I would strongly recommend
more
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that more
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people
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 engage in any form of
hobbies
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 to reap the benefits and make the
world
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 a better place.

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task response
Task response: You answer both parts well. To get a higher score, add one more clear example.
task response
Task response: Your ideas are good, but some parts are a bit too general. Make one point more exact.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your essay has a clear start, body, and end. This is good.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Some lines are long. Use shorter sentences to make your meaning easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Most links are good. Try not to use too many long link words in one paragraph.
task response
You fully answer why people do fewer hobbies now.
task response
You clearly explain the effect on the person and on society.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas move in a clear order from cause to effect.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has one main job and this helps the reader.
The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Devote time
  • Hobbies
  • Nowadays
  • Busy
  • Fast-paced
  • Lifestyles
  • Work and career
  • Technology
  • Digital entertainment
  • Limited
  • Free time
  • Lack of motivation
  • Mental wellbeing
  • Physical wellbeing
  • Decreased
  • Social interactions
  • Creativity
  • Self-expression
  • Negative effects
  • Society
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