IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people find it hard to balance their work with other parts of their lives. What are the reasons for this? How can this problem be overcome?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
It is true that people have to face up to the challenge of how to maintain a balance between their work and daily life. There are some reasons and solutions that can be discussed to explain and address the problem. The increase in workload that many people have to deal with is the first reason being mentioned. The world
becomes
Wrong verb form
is becoming
show examples
 increasingly developed, which means the competition between companies is more drastic.
As a result
Linking Words
, employers will expect their employees to stay longer, do more work, and be available outside traditional working hours.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the rise of communication tools has accelerated the trend above. People are always contactable, making it possible for
enterprises’
Check wording
enterprise
show examples
 owners to give more jobs and ask for more effort from their workers.
For example
Linking Words
, my mother is a teacher
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 after teaching at school, she has to answer questions coming up from not only students but
also
Linking Words
 parents.
Hence
Linking Words
, she just has a few minutes for herself in a day. Fortunately, some practical resolutions can be put into practice. It is a good idea for the boss to clarify with their servants the time. When signing the contract, both sides should discuss the suitable working period with each other so that when employees expect to be free of work and out of contact, they will not be disturbed by the office.
This
Linking Words
 can ensure their private life
completely
Verb problem
is completely
show examples
. Another key is to allow flexible working hours. The firms should permit their workers to finish their tasks from home if they want, provided that they complete all their jobs on time, which means they can take time off for their important events but not affect the progress of the company. Plus, the firms can be equipped with advice and coaching
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 staff in
areas
Correct word choice
certain areas
show examples
. The balance between productivity and private life can be controlled easily
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 servants can have the condition to relieve their stress right at the company and spend some moments on their mental health without delaying the deadlines. In conclusion, suitable solutions
such
Linking Words
 as free working hours or obvious terms should be taken into account to meet the demands of both workers and companies.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both parts more fully. You explain the reasons well, but the solutions need a bit more detail about how they work in real life.
task response
Use more exact examples. The example about your mother is clear, but one more short example for the solutions would make your ideas stronger.
task response
Some ideas are clear, but a few are too general. Try to explain each main point in a more direct way.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. This helps the reader follow your answer.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking is good, but a few sentences are long and a bit hard to follow. Try to make them shorter and more direct.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has one main focus. In the solution paragraph, there are many ideas, so it feels a little full.
task response
You answer both questions in the task, so your essay stays on topic.
task response
Your main ideas are easy to see: heavy work, online contact, clear work time, and flexible hours.
task response
You use a real example about your mother, and this makes your point stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and a clear ending.
coherence and cohesion
You group ideas into paragraphs in a logical way.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words like 'As a result', 'Moreover', and 'In conclusion' to connect ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: