Nowadays, it is possible to move ocean creatures from their natural habitat at sea and have them relocated in amusement parks for the purpose of people’s recreation. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
In recent years, many aquatic animals
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
been relocated from oceans to amusement parks for
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
people's
show examples
attraction and enjoyment
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
In
this
Linking Words
essay i will discuss
Linking Words
this
Correct word choice
that this
show examples
forced migration of the
species
Use synonyms
has more advantages
Linking Words
then the
Correct word choice
than
show examples
disadvantages.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
Having
Correct determiner usage
having a
show examples
very special type of Aquatic
species
Use synonyms
in the man-made location for visitors will make the place exciting with
large
Correct article usage
a large
show examples
number of tourists attracts and
people
Use synonyms
will have visuals of the
diffrent
Correct your spelling
different
creatures of the water
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
think they can never sees them in their life
Punctuation problem
. This
show examples
this
Linking Words
brings
once in
Correct word order
apply
show examples
a
life time
Correct your spelling
once-in-a-lifetime
experience for the visitors.
Linking Words
such as
Change preposition
People
show examples
people
Use synonyms
like to watch octopus
species
Use synonyms
in the acquariums and now a days acquariums becomes first choice to visit for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lots of
people
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
reloaction
Correct your spelling
relocation
of some endangered
species
Use synonyms
with proper planning of them in
controlled
Correct article usage
a controlled
show examples
environment will eradicate
fear
Correct article usage
the fear
show examples
of their extinction
form
Use the right word
from
show examples
the water bodies,
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
Linking Words
This
Fix capitalization
this
show examples
is
also
Linking Words
dangerous for some
species
Use synonyms
as they can not live in confined
space
Check wording
spaces
show examples
as they need proper movement and habitat to survive,
such
Linking Words
as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sharks requires large area for catching prey and breeding.
Linking Words
this
Fix capitalization
This
show examples
also
Linking Words
put the their life in the induced tension
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
them badly with unwanted evolution in their generations.
like
Fix capitalization
Like
show examples
their
size of gill increase
Correct word order
gill size increases
show examples
if they have to
suck breathing
Verb problem
breathe
show examples
oxygen from
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
small water pond.
While
Linking Words
discsussing
Correct your spelling
discussing
this
Linking Words
has some good learning and
tourists opportunity
Check wording
tourist opportunities
show examples
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
also
Linking Words
some bad effects
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
the sea/
ocean based
Correct your spelling
ocean-based
creatures. In conclusion, Tourists attraction boosts economy and extinction of the
species
Use synonyms
will be controlled by
this
Linking Words
, so looking into
above
Correct article usage
the above
show examples
points advantages
overweighs
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweigh
show examples
the disadvantages.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Give a clear answer in the first part and keep the same view all through the essay.
task response
Explain your main ideas more. Say why a good point is good, and why a bad point is bad.
task response
Use examples that are real and easy to believe. Some ideas in your essay are not clear or not true.
coherence and cohesion
Make one main idea for each body part. This will make your writing easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, however, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence connects well to the next one. Some parts now feel broken or hard to follow.
task response
You answer both sides and give your own view.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
You try to use examples to support your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • natural habitat
  • relocate sea creatures
  • amusement park
  • for recreation
  • public education
  • raise awareness
  • marine life
  • close contact
  • create jobs
  • local economy
  • small tank
  • limited space
  • feel stress
  • natural behavior
  • animal welfare
  • lose freedom
  • moral issue
  • human pleasure
  • do tricks
  • wrong message
  • better choice
  • protected area
  • do more harm than good
  • outweigh the advantages
  • in my view
What to do next:
Look at other essays: