IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people think that governments should spend money on public services such as healthcare and education, while others believe that spending on art (music, theatre, etc.) is equally important.

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Many individuals believe that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should consider healthcare and education to promote.
While
Linking Words
 others think that
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 money equally on
art
Use synonyms
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is vital for society.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine both perspectives before explaining why I believe public services are more beneficial for
well-being
Correct article usage
the well-being
show examples
 of society. On the one hand,
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should give priority to
healthcare
Correct article usage
the healthcare
show examples
 system
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 saves lives. If hospitals are easy to access in
cities
Punctuation problem
cities,
show examples
then
Linking Words
 people can take appropriate treatment in their emergency situation and save their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, cancer treatment in India is
merely
Correct word choice
available
show examples
 in
few
Correct determiner usage
only a few
show examples
 hospitals
, if
Punctuation problem
. If the
show examples
 government establish more hospital of cancer treatment
then
Linking Words
 it
helps to
Wrong verb form
will help
show examples
 save
lives
Correct article usage
the lives
show examples
 of
those
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
people who cannot travel far from their city.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
 system build future and backbone of the nation. Educated individuals can become
engineer, scientist
Correct word order
engineers, scientists,
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 and doctor which contribute to provide well educated nation and
finical
Use the right word
financial
show examples
 stability.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
art
Use synonyms
 helps to represent culture and gives
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
creativity. People can show their talent through create some
art
Use synonyms
 and make image of their culture in front of
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, theatre and
art
Use synonyms
beneficial
Verb problem
are beneficial
show examples
 for mental well-being because movies and music consider as entertainment source,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 gives relaxation to
mind
Correct article usage
the mind
show examples
. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
art
Use synonyms
 gives
advantageous
Replace the word
advantages
 to reduce stress and represent
history
Correct article usage
the history
show examples
 of
nation
Correct article usage
a nation
show examples
.
Linking Words
However
Punctuation problem
However,
show examples
 public services are more beneficial to prevent individuals from illness and
make educated
Verb problem
educate
show examples
 youth.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully, then make your own view very clear.
task response
Add one more clear reason for art, with a simple real example.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph follow one plan: main idea, explain, example.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear linking words like On the one hand, On the other hand, For example, and In conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence connects to the one before it.
task response
You answered both views and gave your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
You used an example about cancer hospitals in India.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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