IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Question: Some young children spend a great amount of their time practicing sports. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer

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Sports
Use synonyms
 are played by more and more young individuals nowadays.
While
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 there are undeniable benefits from spending time on
sports
Use synonyms
, there are still some issues that could be considered.
This
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 essay will analyse both sides and give certain reasons. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
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 hand, sport is a crucial type of activity that can help
children
Use synonyms
's health. Doing
sports
Use synonyms
 from
the
Correct article usage
a
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 very early age can benefit
kids
Check wording
kids'
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 coordination,thinking and the body . To illustrate, some parents take their newborn babies to swimming lessons, which
consequently
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 boosts a kid's mood and
his
Fix the agreement mistake
their
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 movement.
Additionally
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,
children
Use synonyms
 can even participate in olympiads and become winners.
Therefore
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, it is important to involve your kid in practising
sports
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
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, playing too
much
Correct determiner usage
many
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sports
Use synonyms
 could cause
children
Use synonyms
 several and even serious injuries. The bodies and bones of kids are not fully grown, so they are still soft, which causes them to get
the
Correct article usage
apply
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injuries very easily. As an example, we can see
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
figure skating, where
children
Use synonyms
 skate from the very early age of four. The skating surface is quite slippery, so kids fall off frequently, which influences the pain in their legs
legs
Remove the redundancy
apply
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.
Finally
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,
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 believe that parents should keep the balance between
sports
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 and free time. Involving the kid in different activities can cause several problems.
Instead
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 of
sport
Check wording
sports
show examples
,
children
Use synonyms
 could still do something else in their free time.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You talk about good and bad points, but the bad side is short and the end is too general.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer main ideas in each body part. Start each part with one clear point, then explain it, then give one example.
task response
Add a stronger final view. Say clearly if the good points are stronger, the bad points are stronger, or if both need balance.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like also, for example, however, because, so, and therefore.
task response
Support examples more. Some examples are interesting, but they need a little more detail to show why the point is true.
task response
You answer the question and discuss both advantages and disadvantages.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an end.
task response
You use examples such as swimming and figure skating, which help your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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