IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people say that all secondary and higher secondary school students should be taught how to manage money as it an important like skill. do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Most
Individuals suggests
Correct subject-verb agreement
individuals suggest
show examples
 that all secondary
school
Use synonyms
 scholars should be
schooled
Verb problem
taught
show examples
 how to handle
finance
Check wording
finances
show examples
 as
its
Use the right word
it's
show examples
 a
relavant
Correct your spelling
relevant
skill
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 I strongly agree that
this
Linking Words
 is a
Use synonyms
life saving
Correct your spelling
life-saving
skill
Use synonyms
 as it will help them
financial
Verb problem
gain financial
show examples
 wisdom and real
life
Use synonyms
skill
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, saving is
very
Rephrase
apply
show examples
paramount to
life
Use synonyms
 and serves
an
Change preposition
as an
show examples
 eye opener to everyone, so
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 Its a worthy idea to have
to have
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
it in the
school
Use synonyms
 modules of students in all secondary
school
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 will help them understand importants of finance or more like financial education
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
a
Verb problem
is a
show examples
real
Correct your spelling
real-life
life
Use synonyms
skill
Use synonyms
.
For Instance
Linking Words
, A 10 years old child whose mother taught at an early stage of
life
Use synonyms
 to save for rainy days developed
interest
Correct article usage
an interest
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to study
Change preposition
in studying
show examples
 accounting
meaning
Punctuation problem
, meaning
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 it helps in career Identification.
Secondly
Linking Words
, real-
life
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
skill
Check wording
skills
show examples
 can be called
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
survival
Use synonyms
skill
Check wording
skills
show examples
 or things an adult needs to know to survive or
life
Use synonyms
hack
Check wording
hacks
show examples
. Teaching all secondary
school
Use synonyms
to how
Correct word order
students how to
show examples
 save is one of the best things hack to imbibe
in a
Change preposition
at
show examples
such
Linking Words
age
Correct article usage
an age
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, a
13 year old
Correct your spelling
13-year-old
 child who brought out her
saving
Replace the word
savings
 to pay her
school
Use synonyms
 fees from the money she had when her parent didn't have money to pay her
school
Use synonyms
 fees. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 everyone sees their views differently, I strongly agree that financial education
is supported to
Verb problem
should
show examples
 be
in
Verb problem
included in
show examples
 all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
secondary
school
Use synonyms
curriculum
Fix the agreement mistake
curricula
show examples
 to help their real and educational motive.

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task response
Answer the question more fully. Say clearly why all school students should learn money skills, and add one more clear reason.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main idea easy to see. Start one body part with saving money, and the next with daily life use of money.
task response
Use examples that feel more real and closer to the topic. Explain how the example shows money management in school life.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, for example, and in conclusion. Do not repeat the same point.
task response
Support each main point with one clear explanation and one clear example.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the introduction and you keep this view to the end.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a basic structure with introduction, two main parts, and a conclusion.
task response
You try to use examples to support your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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