IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. why is this the case? do you think this is a positive or a negative developent?

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There is an ongoing debate over whether
,
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 the time spent by children online is beneficial or detrimental to their
grownth
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growth
.
While
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 technology has an irreplaceable role in the future, the lack or abuse will be the
determinant
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determining
 factor of
it's
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its
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 impact on the development. I strongly believe that
,
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the acess
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access
 to gadgets,
such
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 as
smartphones
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smartphones,
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 should be limited.
This
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 essay will argue the social complications that can arise from the
over use
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overuse
 of social
medias
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media
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, both in professional and personal lives.

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task response
Answer both parts of the task more fully. You say it is negative, but you do not yet explain enough why children use smartphones so much.
task response
Add one or two clear reasons for the main cause, such as fun, games, videos, friends, or busy parents.
task response
Use one clear main idea in each body part and explain it with a simple example.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are linked, but some parts are hard to follow because of word choice and grammar.
coherence and cohesion
Make your plan very clear: intro, cause paragraph, negative effect paragraph, short end.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words like first, also, for example, because, so, and in short.
task response
You give a clear opinion that phone use should be limited.
coherence and cohesion
You try to introduce the topic and show the direction of the essay.
task response
The focus stays on children, smartphones, and their growth.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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