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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the results ofa survey aboutpeople's coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities.

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The given bar chart illustrates that the
percentage
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 of individuals'
coffee
Use synonyms
 and tea buying and drinking routines in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 4 weeks in five Australian cities,
such
Linking Words
 as
Sydney
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,
Melbourne
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,
Brisbane
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, Adelaide, and
Hobart
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, it clearly shows that people mostly
preffered
Correct your spelling
preferred
 going to a cafe for
coffee
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 or tea over buying instant and fresh
coffe
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coffee
 in all
citiess
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cities
 apart from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Adelaide.
While
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
 figures
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 buying fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 dramatically reached
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 lowest points in whole cities. First of all, in
Sydney
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, the
percentage
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 of going to a cafe
represented at
Verb problem
was
show examples
 nearly 60%, climbed in
Melbourne
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 until at apporximetely 70% after that decreased gradually in
Brisbane
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 at 55% and hit a record low in Adeliade as almost 50%
percentage
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,
finally
Linking Words
 in
Hobart
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, significantly went up
until ratio of %63
Change preposition
to 63%
show examples
.
Besides
Linking Words
,
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
 proportions of buying instant
coffee
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 accounted for %45 in
Sydney
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Linking Words
then
Punctuation problem
, then
show examples
 slightly kept increasing in
Melbourne
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 and
Brisbane
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 at %48 and %53 respetievetely.
Unfourtunately
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Unfortunately
, in
Adeliade
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Adelaide
, it showed
an
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 reverse trend, decreasing by 4%
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 Afterwards, it reached its highest sales value in
Hobart
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 at 54%. Regarding fresh
coffee
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 purchases,
Melbourne
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hitted
Wrong verb form
hit
show examples
 the highest
percentage
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, with approximetely 43% of residents having bought fresh
coffee
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 in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 four weeks, closely
fallowed
Verb problem
followed
show examples
 by
Hobart
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 at around 40%.
Sydney
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also
Linking Words
 showed a relatively
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
high figure, standing at roughky 43%. In
constrast
Correct your spelling
contrast
,
Brisbane
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 and
Adeliade
Correct your spelling
Adelaide
 had the lowest proportions, at abut 35%
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 each, indicating that fresh
coffe
Correct your spelling
coffee
 was less popular in these two cities compared to others.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, coffee, sydney, melbourne, brisbane, hobart with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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