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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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The topic
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 whether
crimes
Use synonyms
 should be punished depending on circumstances or action has been debated for many years.
People
Use synonyms
 arguing for circumstantial
punishment
Use synonyms
 would believe that every situation is different,
Linking Words
however
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
opinions against state that each
crime
Use synonyms
 should have a specific
punishment
Use synonyms
no
Punctuation problem
, no
show examples
 matter the background of the
crime
Use synonyms
. I believe that every
crime
Use synonyms
 has to be looked at from all angles
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
punishment
Use synonyms
 should be decided after looking at motif and other situations leading to the
crime
Use synonyms
. Certain individuals are for
crimes
Use synonyms
 having a rigid penalty form. They may argue that each
crime
Use synonyms
 is a
crime
Use synonyms
 for a reason.
Therefore
Linking Words
, no leeway should be allowed for the offender.
For example
Linking Words
, murder is a
crime
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 there should be no excuse for committing
such
Linking Words
 a felony. No matter the motif, everybody should be punished equally.
Also
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, if we had a system
orientated
Replace the word
oriented
 on strict rules and penalties adequate to the
crime
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,
less
Correct determiner usage
fewer
show examples
people
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 would commit
crimes
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 as they would have a smaller probability of escaping the penalty. If the population knew that stealing a sweet from a store would be punished equally to stealing a phone, the amount of ‘small’
crimes
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 would decrease drastically. Despite these points,
people
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 would disagree as they see the argument from a different perspective. There are times when young
people
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 steal sweets from the store for a rush of adrenaline or because they were
peer pressured
Correct your spelling
peer-pressured
.
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 is a
crime
Use synonyms
, and there should be a form
Use synonyms
punishment
Change preposition
of punishment
show examples
 for
this
Linking Words
, why should it be equal to someone stealing a phone from a mobile phone dealership
.
Change the punctuation
?
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 There should be understanding that a young person can be naïve and maybe have
psychiatric
Correct article usage
a psychiatric
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to
Check wording
disorder to
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 steal from the store. Certain
crimes
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 have explanations, and they provide reasoning why the sentence should be smaller. Another example of
this
Linking Words
 is murder
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 not all murders are the same. Is it reasonable to sentence someone who intentionally killed another human being, compared to somebody who was driving over the speed limit and ran a person over? Motif in
this
Linking Words
 instance matters, and it should not be ignored.
Crimes
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 are committed for thousands of reasons,
this
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 does not mean I think that they should not have consequences,
Linking Words
however
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
I think every felony has to be looked at intensively
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the sentence should
be depending
Wrong verb form
depend
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 on each individual case. Every murder, robbery, physical assault and other mistakes are different, and
people
Use synonyms
 have their own reason on why they commit them. These reasons are enough to either increase or decrease the penalty.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You do this, but some ideas are not fully explained.
task response
Make your opinion very clear in all body parts, not only in the start and end.
task response
Use more exact examples. Some examples are good, but a few feel too simple or not fully real.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. At times, the flow is a bit sudden.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph focused on one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear reference words and connectives, but do not overuse them.
task response
You discuss both views and give your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and a clear ending.
coherence and cohesion
Main ideas are usually easy to follow.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fixed punishments
  • consistency
  • predictability
  • deter crime
  • potential offenders
  • streamline
  • judicial process
  • bias
  • corruption
  • complexity
  • human behavior
  • circumstances
  • justice system
  • intent
  • remorse
  • socio-economic background
  • rehabilitate offenders
  • recidivism rates
  • flexible punishment systems
  • inconsistencies
  • perceived injustices
  • public trust
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