IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many cities have installed cameras in public places in order to reduce crime. However, some people think that those cameras restrict our privacy. Do you think the advantages of this system outweigh the disadvantages?

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Many cities adopted
cameras
Use synonyms
 in public areas to reduce criminal acts.
Eventhough
Correct your spelling
Even though
 some people consider that it restricts privacy, I think the benefits of
this
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 system outweigh the drawbacks. The number of crimes increased significantly not only in big cities but
also
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 in medium and even small cities as well.
Cameras
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 are an effective form of
,
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apply
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 not only
record
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recording
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 people's activity, but sometimes
prevent
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preventing
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 them of commiting crimes. The presence of
cameras
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 in determined spaces increases the sense of security, as criminals tend to avoid acting in those places, because of the fear of being easily identified by the images.
Although
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cameras
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 sometimes are not enough to
inhibit
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prevent
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 the crime, they still play an important role
helping
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in helping
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 in investigations and clarifing possibles scenes, motivations and criminals.
This
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 was the case of an animal abuse occured
last
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 year in the state of Santa Catarina, Brazil. A street dog suffered abuse and
agonyzied
Correct your spelling
agony
 until death at Canasvieiras Beach, in Florianopolis. The case was, thankfully, elucidated
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 after the police
have
Wrong verb form
had
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 access to the public
cameras
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 that were installed along the beach. With the
images
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images,
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 it was possible to identify the criminals and
also
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 the crime itself, since the animal's
authopsia
Correct your spelling
autopsy
 was not very conclusive. In conclusion, I think
cameras
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 in public places are a crucial tool for preventing crimes and helping the security department in investigations, and their contribution to society is bigger than any disadvantages regarding privacy.

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task response
Make your main view more clear in the first paragraph. Say why the good side is stronger in a direct way.
task response
Add one more idea about privacy, then explain why it is less important. This will make your answer more full.
task response
Some ideas are good, but a few parts are too short. Develop each main point with one more line of support.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer links between paragraphs and ideas. This will help the essay feel more smooth.
coherence and cohesion
The example is strong, but connect it more clearly to your main point about public safety.
coherence and cohesion
Group similar ideas in one paragraph. This will make the essay easier to follow.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear opinion.
task response
You use a real example, and this makes your point stronger.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas follow a clear order from problem to benefit to example.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • surveillance
  • deterrence
  • apprehension
  • infringement
  • omnipresence
  • law enforcement
  • evidence gathering
  • privacy concerns
  • surveillance state
  • unwarranted surveillance
  • psychological impact
  • paranoia
  • crime investigation
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