IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

You have an appointment with your manager the next day. Write him/her a letter about what you’re going to discuss at the meeting. In your meeting, you should tell: What did you do for the company during the years you worked there, What changes you would like to recommend, What training you require

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Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to bring to your attention various imporatnt topic which I am going to discuss with you during our upcoming business meeting. My name is Rajdeep
kaur
Fix capitalization
Kaur
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, and I
am
Wrong verb form
have been
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 working as a senior production manager
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 in your company
from
Change preposition
for the
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last
Linking Words
 six years.
Furthermore
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, during my service I worked hard to invent new methods to escalate our production with the
minimun
Correct your spelling
minimum
 cost
along with
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 maintaining quality.
Furthermore
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, our company is
the
Correct article usage
apply
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one
among
Change preposition
of
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 the most
repudated
Correct your spelling
repudiated
 organisations in the country,as we are dealing with the textile around the globe.
Therefore
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, we need to innovate new designs of clothes in order to compete in the market. After probing
further
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 into
this
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 matter, I find a machine which have numerious pattern of designs.
Apart from
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this
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, the most significant feature of
this
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 machine is that it works faster on the solar panels
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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further
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reduce
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
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 our electric cost. As
this
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 machine is newly incorporated in the market,
so
Correct word choice
apply
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I would suggest
you
Correct word choice
that you
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to
Wrong verb form
apply
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grant me
a
Correct article usage
apply
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permission to get trained about its operations. I would inform you about the cost of
this
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 training session,as I have find renowned institution for training. I would be thankful to you for
this
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 matter.I am looking forward to your response. Yours sincerely, Rajdeep Kaur

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task response
Task response: You answered all parts, but some ideas are not fully clear. Say your main points in a more direct way.
task response
Task response: The tone is mostly formal, but 'Dear Sir or Madam' is not the best if you will meet your manager. Use the manager's name or 'Dear Manager'.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your letter has a clear start, middle, and end, which is good. But some links are weak, so the flow is not always smooth.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Keep one main idea in each paragraph and use simple link words like 'First', 'Also', and 'Finally'.
task response
Task response: You covered the work you did, the change you want, and the training you need.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: The letter uses paragraphs, and this helps the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: The opening and closing are clear and fit a formal letter.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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