IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is believed that secondary school children should study international news as one of their school subjects. Others think that this is a waste of valuable school time Discuss both views and give your opinions.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
In nowadays society, some
individauls
Correct your spelling
individuals
 argue that secondary schools should add the subject of international
news
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that it is a waste of valuable
school
Use synonyms
 time.
This
Linking Words
 essay will
further
Linking Words
 discuss both views and explain why I
firmy
Correct your spelling
firmly
 believe international
news
Use synonyms
 is
essentail
Correct your spelling
essential
 at
school
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, some
people
Use synonyms
 think
school
Use synonyms
 lessons need to
focuse
Correct your spelling
focus
 on the other subjects,
such
Linking Words
 as history, math and English. The main reason is that
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 should get
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high scores for the exam and they could
entry
Replace the word
enter
 their expected universities and majors. Another one is that many parents are unwilling to let their children watch the
news
Use synonyms
 because it is too complicated.
For instance
Linking Words
, international
news
Use synonyms
 contains topics about politics, wars, and cultures. Some teenagers may not fully understand the background, so they can easily misunderstand the situation.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, studying international
news
Use synonyms
 at
school
Use synonyms
 has several significant benefits. It helps
students
Use synonyms
 learn how to think
critical
Replace the word
critically
 and make
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
decisions wisely. The main reason is that society has changed dramatically
due to
Linking Words
 technological development. Problems faced by
people
Use synonyms
 today,
such
Linking Words
 as artificial intelligence and climate
change
Punctuation problem
change,
show examples
 are very different from those in the past.
Students
Use synonyms
 should know about
multi-
Correct word choice
multiple
show examples
 issues in the world.
In addition
Linking Words
, it may avoid repeating similar errors.
For example
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 read the international
news
Use synonyms
 when they were young,
many
Correct word choice
and many
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 said they can make their own decisions independently,
such
Linking Words
 as
career
Correct determiner usage
their career
show examples
 and
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 abroad. From my point of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
view, I strongly agree that
students
Use synonyms
 should study international
news
Use synonyms
 in their classes. Teachers should provide the
culture
Replace the word
cultural
 background and
clear analysis
Replace the word
clearly analyse
 what is happening. To recapitulate, studying major subjects is important to attend to the universities.
However
Linking Words
, studying international
news
Use synonyms
 may
helps
Wrong verb form
help
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 learn critical thinking, make
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
decisions wisely and avoid repeating errors.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I firmly agree with adding international
news
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the classes.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both sides more fully. You talk about both views, but the first side is shorter and less clear.
coherence and cohesion
Give clearer main ideas in each body paragraph. One main idea, then explain it, then give one example.
task response
Your opinion is clear, but explain why you agree in more detail.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a simple way, like 'First', 'Also', 'However', and 'As a result'.
task response
Some examples are not very clear or direct. Use real and simple examples that match your point.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order. A few ideas do not connect well, so the reader must guess your meaning.
task response
You discuss both views and give your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
The topic stays on international news and school subjects.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraphing, which helps the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • international news
  • school subject
  • valuable school time
  • global issues
  • real-life problems
  • open-minded
  • world events
  • critical thinking
  • active citizen
  • compare reports
  • different views
  • language skills
  • class discussion
  • core subjects
  • academic pressure
  • too complex
  • negative news
  • political bias
  • cause stress
  • background knowledge
  • stable knowledge
  • basic skills
  • age-appropriate
  • part of social studies
  • balanced stories
  • guide students
  • form opinions
  • understand the world
  • waste of time
  • in my view
What to do next:
Look at other essays: