IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Around the world, rural people are moving to cities and urban areas, so populations in the countryside are decreasing. Is this a positive or negative development?

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In today's world of
development
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,
people
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 see more aggressive progress in the cities than in the rural
areas
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.
This
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 causes the new generation to migrate from the rural
areas
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 to the big towns. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss some major factors behind
this
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 shift and how it negatively impacts society.  First and foremost, the distribution of
development
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 is not fair and has always favoured cities. A gap in progress is getting larger in some countries where urban
areas
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 have seen no
development
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 in
decades
Punctuation problem
decades,
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whereas
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people
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 living in the cities have access to all the facilities like metros, jobs, internet connectivity and better infrastructure.
This
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 change pushes
population
Correct article usage
the population
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 to migrate to urban
areas
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 to look for better
oppertunities
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opportunities
 and living standards.
For example
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, in some developing countries like India,
citties
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cities
 like Delhi and Mumbai are fully advanced with all the possible facilities
whilst
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, whilst
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areas
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 around them are still
suffrering
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suffering
 from
the
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apply
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basic needs like clean water and electricity.
In results
Change preposition
As a result
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, when too many
people
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 move to Delhi or Mumbai too fast, the city can't house them all, leading to poor living conditions in the city itself.
This
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 shift among the public has pushed more
people
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 to the developed parts of the country, which results in overpopulation in some
regions
Punctuation problem
regions,
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while
Linking Words
 others are completely vacant. Most urban
areas
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 are clogged, jammed, or
suffocating
Wrong verb form
suffocated
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due to
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 the rapid surge in population. The younger generation has no choice but to move because of better universities and employment options.
This
Linking Words
 leaves countryside
areas
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 with the older generation; their children rarely come back to settle. Eventually, these regions will be nothing but empty land where no one lives.
For example
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, the government of Japan is providing subsidies to
people
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 who move to these vacant
areas
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. In conclusion, the approach to
development
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 needs to be changed to sustain the population.
Goverments
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Governments
 should change their focus from the urban
areas
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 to rural
areas
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 with real intentions of bringing
a
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apply
show examples
progress to these
people
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.

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task response
Make your main answer more direct in the first paragraph. Say clearly that this is a negative development.
task response
Add one more clear bad effect on the countryside, not only on cities. This will make your answer more full.
task response
Some ideas are good, but a few are too general. Explain them a little more with simple and clear detail.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. Keep this shape.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. For example, say 'As a result' instead of 'In results'.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long and heavy. Break them into two shorter sentences for better flow.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph focus on one main point only, then support it with one example.
task response
You answer the question and keep the same clear position: this is a negative development.
task response
You use real examples like India and Japan, and this helps your ideas feel real.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas move in a logical order from cause to effect.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Urbanization
  • Amenities
  • Economic prospects
  • Overcrowding
  • Traffic congestion
  • Pollution
  • Agricultural abandonment
  • Cultural diversity
  • Innovation
  • Cultural heritage
  • Family ties
  • Infrastructure
  • Public services
  • Sustainable urban planning
  • Rural revitalization
What to do next:
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