Some people believe that arts education (e.g., music, drama, visual arts) is as important as other school subjects, while others think it is less important. Do you agree or disagree with this idea that arts education is as important as other subjects? Give reasons for your answet and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge experience.

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Art
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plays an indispensable role in society.
While
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some individuals believe arts education is as important as other academic subjects, others ignore
this
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idea
,
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apply
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and consider it less valuable. I disagree with
this
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. I believe
art
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is essential for preserving
the
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apply
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history, and helps
students
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to become more creative. One of the main reasons for disagreement is that
arts
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the arts
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help to protect the traditional values of the country.
Students
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can express their interest in learning traditional music, painting, and dance to express themselves.
Thus
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, they will not only learn about the culture of their country, but
also
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help to preserve
them
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it
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for a longer period.
For example
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, schools can
also
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organise trips to the museums where
students
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can get
real
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a real
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experience of traditional
artifacts
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artefacts
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to protect the cultural heritage. In my opinion,
art
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is the best way to aware
students
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about their tradition from
their
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an
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early age.
Moreover
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,
students
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can get a chance to participate in different
activities
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at
school
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the school
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level. In most cases, those
students
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who are actively engaged in extracurricular
activities
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,
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apply
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are performed
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perform
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much better than those who mainly
focused
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focus
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on one area.
Therefore
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, these
activities
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improve their confidence and communication skills.
For instance
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, those
students
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who participate in drama class
,
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apply
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are able to speak in front of others
,
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and express their thoughts without any hesitation. I personally believe that
art
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encourage
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encourages
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people to express themselves, and find their hidden talent
while
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participating in these
activities
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. In conclusion,
although
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exam skills
helps
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help
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students
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to get better grades, I think
art
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is essential for the holistic development of children. It helps to build imagination, brings creativity and innovative ideas to preserve the cultural beauty of the nation.

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task response
Make your main idea more clear in the first part. Say exactly why you disagree.
task response
Add one more clear example for each body part. This will make your ideas stronger.
task response
Explain your ideas a little more. Some points are good, but they need more detail.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. Keep this shape.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with more care. Some commas break the flow.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph stay on one main point only, then support it step by step.
task response
You answer the question and give your opinion clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both present and easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main idea.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • creative thinking
  • self-expression
  • problem solving
  • build confidence
  • communication skills
  • teamwork
  • emotional growth
  • mental health
  • reduce stress
  • share feelings
  • cultural understanding
  • traditional art
  • open-minded
  • improve memory
  • better focus
  • balanced education
  • whole person
  • life skills
  • as important as
  • play a key role
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