IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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It is
been
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apply
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argued that the purpose of
science
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 is to make everyone's
lives
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 better.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees with
this
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 statement. The reasons for
this
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 are the
hardwork
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hard work
 of the
people
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 working in the field of
science
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 and the
money
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 that the government invest to improve
people
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's
lives
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.
To begin
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 with, many
people
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 work hard
everyday
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every day
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 in the field of
science
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 to discover new techniques and invent new technologies to make our
lives
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 easier.
As a result
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, technological advancement has made everyday
task
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tasks
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 effortless and quick. New innovations will eventually improve the quality of
lives
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 of the future generations
to come
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apply
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.
For example
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, in the past, searching for
an
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apply
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information was a difficult task.
However
Linking Words
, during recent times,the increase in the use of
Artifical intelligence
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Artificial Intelligence
 has made access to information and learning easier for young children in schools.
Secondly
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,
government
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the government
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 spend a huge amount of
fund
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funds
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 in the field of
science
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. The
money
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 they invest is generated from the taxes of local
people
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is used to perform
researches
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research
 and build modern technology to improve the
lives
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 of their citizens.
For instance
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, many countries invest in scientific
researches
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research
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 to predict natural disasters,
such
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 as earthquakes and floods. These modern innovations help in saving many
lives
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 and stop the loss from these disasters
and
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, and
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 eventually save the government's
money
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. To sum it up, the primary aim of
science
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 and technology should be to improve
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lives
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the lives
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 of
people
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 because they work hard to achieve
this
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 and invest their
hard earn
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hard-earned
money
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 for scientific purposes.

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task response
Answer all parts of the question more directly. You agree, but you should also show why this aim is more important than other aims of science.
task response
Give deeper ideas in each body paragraph. Some points are clear, but they need more detail to fully explain how science improves life.
task response
Use examples with more exact detail. Your examples are relevant, but they are still general.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear basic structure: introduction, two body paragraphs, and conclusion. Keep this plan.
coherence and cohesion
Linking is mostly clear, but some sentences do not flow well. Try to make each idea connect more smoothly to the next one.
coherence and cohesion
Some main points need stronger support. Add one more sentence after each main idea to explain the result more clearly.
task response
You clearly give your opinion in the introduction and keep the same position through the essay.
task response
Both body paragraphs stay on the topic of how science can help people.
task response
You include examples about AI in schools and disaster prediction, which fit the topic well.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow because it has clear paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
You use simple linking words like 'To begin with', 'Secondly', 'For example', and 'To sum it up'.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion is present and matches your main idea.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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