Some people think that museums should be enjoyable places to entertain people while others believe that the purpose of museum is to educate. Discuss both views and give you own opinion.

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People
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have different views about
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museum
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museums
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. One group thinks that
museums
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should be
place
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a place
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where
people
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can enjoy and spend their free time.
However
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, I agree with those who argue that the main purpose of
museums
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is to educate. On the one hand, some individuals claim that
museums
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should become
entertainment
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an entertainment
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place and it can be beneficial
both
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for both
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museums
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and
people
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. If
museums
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serve as an
entertain
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entertainment
, they will attract many individuals to
there
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them
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.
As a result
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, the income from the
museum
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contributes to the growth of the state's economy.
For example
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, citizens pay a fee to enter the
museum
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which
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, which
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increases the wages of those who work there.
Secondly
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, it offers interesting and unique experiences.
People
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can see rare objects, famous artworks, interactive exhibitions
and
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, and
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they
do
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are
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not
boring
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bored
and spend their time happily there.
For instance
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, seeing a real dinosaur skeleton or historical weapons can be exciting and memorable.
Nonetheless
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, I am of the opinion that the major aim of
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museum
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a museum
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is to help
people
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learn about history and culture.
This
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is because there are many historical items, documents, national clothes and artworks there. Through these,
public
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the public
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can learn and understand
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the
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historical life, traditions and culture of different nations. Seeing a real ancient object,
for example
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, gives a
strong
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stronger
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impression than reading about it in a history book.
Secondly
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, many individuals prefer to learn by seeing because visual learning is one of the
effective
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most effective
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way
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ways
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of remembering things. In the
museum
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, information is
giving
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given
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visually through paintings, pictures,
sculptures
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and sculptures
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.
Consequently
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, children and students can easily gain knowledge about objects
which
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, which
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can lead to a more educational society. In conclusion,
although
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museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
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serve as
an
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apply
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amusement
centers
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centres
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while
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while,
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I think that it helps
people
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learn about history, culture and art.
That is
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why
museums
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are important for society.

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task response
Answer all parts in a more full way. You discuss both sides and give your view, but your own view can be more clear from the start.
task response
Add more clear main ideas in each body part. Some ideas are good, but a few need more detail or a better reason.
task response
Use examples that are more exact and more linked to your main point.
coherence and cohesion
Make some sentences join more smoothly. Use link words well, but do not use too many simple ones only.
coherence and cohesion
Check word order and small grammar errors because they can make your meaning less clear.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one clear topic in each paragraph and develop it step by step.
task response
You answer both views and give your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
You use examples like dinosaur bones and old objects to support ideas.
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