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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people think that subjects like arts, music, drama and creative writing contribute more towards a child's overall development. The school curriculum should provide more time for these subjects to be taught if the school wants all-round development of children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this?

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Nowadays, some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that adding
art
Use synonyms
, music, drama and creative writing influence on the youngsters' education and future development.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
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 should give permission to instruct these subjects regularly and
separate
Verb problem
allocate
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 more time for artistic skills. I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 idea, as it leads to advantageous consequences.
Firstly
Linking Words
, an educational program with numerous kinds of imagination helps to encourage students and to stay motivated in education. In these days and ages,
people
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 live in a stressful atmosphere and feel the pressure in daily life, so music and making
art
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 with their own hands help to reduce stress levels, keep calm and accept information without any trouble.
Secondly
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,
art
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 develops creativity and IQ. In the era of technology,
people
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 get used to working with artificial intelligence, so
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people
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 do not spend time using original ideas and logic. But in artistry lessons pupil stay focused on the stuff they make and use brain, which is essential for a career path: to be unique make humans a sought-after specialist.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, learning exact
science
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sciences
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 is
also
Linking Words
 important for opportunities ahead
, without
Punctuation problem
. Without
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 knowledge, a learner is not able to achieve success and remove obstacles in their way
,
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;
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thus
Linking Words
in
Punctuation problem
, in
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 the
schedule
Punctuation problem
schedule,
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 we should have both types of subjects to keep balance and give necessary data and skills to the students.
To sum up
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, without any doubts
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art
Punctuation problem
, art
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, music and the sciences are vital for students' culture,
therefore
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 the education system must divide the time for all lessons equally.

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task response
Answer the question more directly. You say you agree, but your end says time should be equal for all subjects. This makes your position less clear.
task response
Give one or two clear examples to support your ideas. For example, say how drama helps speaking skills or how music helps focus.
task response
Develop each main idea more. Some points are good, but they need more explanation.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Some sentences feel separate, so use simple links like also, because, for example, and however.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph unity. The third paragraph changes focus, so connect it more clearly to your main view.
task response
You answer the topic and give a clear opinion at the start.
coherence and cohesion
You include an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your main ideas are easy to follow in general.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive skills
  • Emotional intelligence
  • Creative thinking
  • All-round development
  • Holistic approach
  • Curriculum enhancement
  • Innovative thinking
  • Emotional expression
  • Social skills
  • Cultural awareness
  • Critical thinking
  • Interdisciplinary learning
  • Balanced growth
  • Artistic endeavors
  • Experimental learning
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