IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

some people say that the best way to improve publich health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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I believe the best way to improve public health
can be done
Verb problem
is
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 by encouraging
people
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 to do
sports
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. But some
people
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 may not be able to make time for
sports
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so
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, so
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i
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I
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 believe that
people
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 who doesnt have the time to do
sports
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 should at least do long
walks
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walks,
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 clear their minds
and
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, and
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 spend some time to improve themselves. Some
people
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 may think the only way to increase public health is by increasing the number of
sport
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sports
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 facilities
which
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, which
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 is a
completly
Correct your spelling
completely
 valid opinion considering some cities barely
has
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have
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 clean and good
sport
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sports
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facilities
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facilities,
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 they are mostly old
and
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, and
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 in small
cities
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cities,
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 the numbers are very low
varying
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, varying
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 between two or at least 3. So
yes
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yes,
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 it is a valid opinion for small cities that lacks sport facilities. Some
Linking Words
however
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, however
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 thinks that
this
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 would have little effect on public health
and
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, and
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 "Other" measures are required
i
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. I
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 am not sure what these "Other" measures are
but
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, but
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i
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I
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 could say that
people
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 should be more encouraged to do
sports
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, eat healthier and take care of themselves
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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completly
Correct your spelling
completely
 depends on the person.

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. You talk more about sport, but the other side is not fully explained.
task response
Give a clear opinion in the end. Your view is there, but it needs to be stronger and easier to see.
task response
Add one or two real examples to support your ideas, such as parks, walks, food, or school health plans.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear 4-part plan: intro, view 1, view 2, conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, however, also, for example, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph about one main idea only, and explain that idea more.
task response
You answer the topic and give your own view.
task response
Your main idea is easy to understand: sport and healthy habits can help public health.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraphs, and this helps the reader follow your writing.
coherence and cohesion
There is some use of linking words like but, however, and so.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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