New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do advantages of this outweigh disadvantages

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Compared to the past,
children
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's
free time
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free-time
activities nowadays have changed considerably because of new
technologies
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such
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as laptops, phones, and
gadgets
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. From my perspective,
this
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trend has more disadvantages than benefits as anger issues.
 On the one hand, nowadays many
children
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experience different diseases, namely nervousness, vision loss, overweight.
According to
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the doctors,
technologies
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such
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as laptops, phones and
gadgets
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cause these issues. Because little people spend a lot of inefficient time on the telephone and they don’t want to reading book, go to school, listen to a lesson or do different types of sports.
Moreover
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, some
children
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become addicted to online games and social media, which can negatively affect their studies.
As a result
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, they become slaves to the
technologies
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.
According to
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statistics, are given that in countries that ban the use of
gadgets
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by minors,
children
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are happier and less irritable.
On the other hand
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,
while
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technologies
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have negative impacts on
children
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’s lives, it
also
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has many positive aspects. First of all, if many
children
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can use the right, their lives get easier. School’s tasks are faster and more efficient. It helps them learn new things easily through educational videos , and
children
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broaden their horizons.
In addition
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,
children
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can improve their creativity by drawing and making videos. In conclusion, technology has both positive and negative sides for
children
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.
Therefore
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, it should be used wisely and under parent’s control.29If the government give right and beneficial decision and
children
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learn to use
technologies
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effectively,
gadgets
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will help
children
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grow
further
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;
otherwise
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,
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otherwise
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apply
show examples
diseases and lazy youth will appear.

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task response
Answer the main question more clearly. Say from the start why the bad points are stronger than the good points, and keep this idea strong in all parts.
task response
Add more clear support for your ideas. Some points are good, but they need a short clear reason or example.
task response
Use one or two simple real-life examples. This will make your ideas stronger and more believable.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end, which is good. But some sentences do not link well, so the flow is not always smooth.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words well, like 'first', 'also', 'for example', 'as a result', and 'in conclusion'.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each body paragraph. This will make your writing easier to follow.
task response
You clearly talk about both good and bad sides of technology.
task response
You give a clear opinion that the bad side is stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words like 'on the one hand', 'moreover', and 'in conclusion'.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • new technologies
  • children
  • free time
  • access
  • educational resources
  • information
  • development
  • key skills
  • enhancing
  • creativity
  • imagination
  • opportunity
  • connect
  • convenience
  • flexibility
  • lack
  • physical activity
  • potential
  • health issues
  • impact
  • social
  • emotional development
  • exposure
  • inappropriate content
  • addiction
  • dependency
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