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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Human activity has had a negative impact on plants and animals around the world. Some people think that this cannot be changed, while others believe actions can be taken ro bring about a change.

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Human activity has had harmful consequences
in
Change preposition
for
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 plants and animals all over the world. Few
people
Use synonyms
 think that there is no turning back,
while
Linking Words
 others believe behaviour can be taken to bring a transformation.
This
Linking Words
 is something real that affects the whole world, but it can still be changed if
people
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 make an effort to
change
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. On the one hand, there is a lot of information that demonstrates how human activity is very bad for the world,
such
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 as
pollution
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, deforestation, and the destruction of natural habitats that affect the animals and the plants.
This
Linking Words
 contaminates most of the things and causes global warming because
temperature
Correct article usage
the temperature
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 increases.
This
Linking Words
 is a very serious problem that we are dealing with because of the
pollution
Use synonyms
factories
Change preposition
from factories
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 and the greenhouse effect.
That is
Linking Words
 why there are
people
Use synonyms
 who believe that
this
Linking Words
 can’t
change
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 because it is too difficult to make sure that everything can be transformed.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, other
people
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 believe that there is still time to make a
change
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. If we are all willing to make an effort to make
this
Linking Words
change
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, helping the environment by recycling, being more clean
mostly
Punctuation problem
, mostly
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 with the air quality that we breathe, and reducing
pollution
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.
For example
Linking Words
, if a new factory opens, the air quality goes down because of the
pollution
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. Small actions can make a big difference if everyone participates. In conclusion,
while
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 some
people
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 think that
this
Linking Words
 situation cannot
change
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, others believe that in the future things can become better. In my opinion, if everyone helps and takes care of the planet, there can still be a
change
Use synonyms
.

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task response
For task response, answer both sides more fully. You say the problem can still change, but you need to explain more clearly why some people think it cannot change and why you disagree.
task response
For task response, use more clear main ideas in each body paragraph. One paragraph should focus on why change is hard, and the other should focus on what actions can help.
task response
For task response, add more specific examples. For example, name laws, tree planting, clean energy, or animal protection to make your ideas stronger.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear start, middle, and end, which is good. But some sentences are long and not easy to follow. Try to make them shorter and more direct.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, link ideas more smoothly. You use 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' well, but some parts repeat 'change' and 'make an effort' too much.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, support each main point with one clear explanation and one example. This will help the reader follow your ideas better.
task response
For task response, you answer both views and give your own opinion clearly.
task response
For task response, your ideas stay on the topic of harm to plants and animals.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, the essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, basic linking words like 'On the one hand', 'On the other hand', 'For example', and 'In conclusion' help the flow.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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