IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Computers are an essential feature of modern education. Some people believe that certain subjects, such as mathematics, are better taught using computers. Others, however, think that there are aspects of education in which computer use is inadequate. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Digital tools like
computers
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 are a crucial aspect of contemporary learning. Some argue that hard disciplines,
such
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 as mathematics, can be taught effortlessly by making
use
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 of
computers
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. Others,
by contrast
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, believe that not all features of education are adequate for computer
use
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.
This
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 essay agrees with the latter point of view because,
although
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 computer
use
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 seems to help save
time
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, it tends not
facilitate
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to facilitate
show examples
 a deep understanding, which is vital for learners. Individuals think that the
utilization
Change the spelling
utilisation
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 of
laptops
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 for hard disciplines teaching enables no to waste
time
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 on the grounds that educators will
sno
Correct your spelling
no
 longer need to write every single word on the board, which
take
Correct subject-verb agreement
takes
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 an
exorbitant amounts
Fix the agreement mistake
excessive amount
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 of
time
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 and inhibits them from reaching their class target on
time
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.
Furthermore
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, it helps learners strengthen their computer-literacy as
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 spend the vast majority of their
time
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 working on
computers
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.
For instance
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Punctuation problem
,
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in my country
Benin
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, Benin
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, a large number of schools that
finalize
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finalise
show examples
 their programs earlier are the ones that make the
use
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 of
computer
Check wording
computers
show examples
 their top priority.
However
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, I believe that those benefits are not sufficient because
lessons understanding
Correct word order
understanding lessons
show examples
 matters is of paramount importance.
On the other hand
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, some feel that innovations tend not to entitle a clear understanding. The reason is that a great deal of scholars master their comprehension
while
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 writing by themselves in their
note books
Correct your spelling
notebooks
, what they have been taught. But
while
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 making
use
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 of
laptops
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, they don’t put into practice
this
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 technique any longer.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that the
utilization
Change the spelling
utilisation
show examples
 of
computers
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render
Correct subject-verb agreement
renders
show examples
 them indolent
,
Punctuation problem
.
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 It makes them neglect the advantage of attempting demonstrations they do not
figure out
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understand
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while
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 having class, by themselves.
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Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
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 the
use
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 of
laptops
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 often
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
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 not allow
instuctors
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instructors
 to detect students who are focused during their
class
Punctuation problem
class,
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seen that
Correct word choice
since
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 each of them has their own laptop and it is
pissible
Correct your spelling
possible
 that they might be doing
another thing
Correct your spelling
something else
.
For example
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, in many African countries, a vast number of students who are
brillant
Correct your spelling
brilliant
 at school are the ones who have been taught without using digital tools.
Therefore
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, I believe that it is extremely advantageous to teach without the
use
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 of innovations because the upside is substantial. In conclusion,
although
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 digital tools like
computers
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 can increase our productivity because we do not waste
time
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, I believe
the
Correct article usage
apply
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teaching without the
use
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 of
laptops
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 is much better on the grounds that it enables to master
effortlessly our comprehension
Correct word order
our comprehension effortlessly
show examples
.

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task response
For task response: You answer both views and give your opinion, which is good. But some ideas are not fully clear. Explain each main point in a simpler and more direct way.
task response
For task response: Your opinion is present in the intro, body, and conclusion. This is good. Still, some parts do not fully support your opinion, so add clearer reasons.
task response
For task response: Your examples are linked to the topic, but they feel too general. Give one clear and real example and explain how it supports your point.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: Your essay has a clear 4-paragraph shape, with intro, 2 body paragraphs, and conclusion. This helps the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: Some sentences are hard to follow because of grammar and word choice. Use shorter sentences and one idea per sentence.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: Linking words are used, but sometimes not well. Use simple links like first, also, however, for example, and therefore.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: Some points need more support. After each main idea, add one short explanation and one example.
task response
You discuss both sides of the topic and give your own view.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraphs to separate ideas.
task response
You try to use examples from your country and from school life.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • computer
  • education
  • math
  • subject
  • teach
  • learn
  • teacher
  • student
  • class
  • classroom
  • use
  • help
  • good
  • bad
  • fast
  • slow
  • time
  • task
  • idea
  • point
  • test
  • quiz
  • study
  • group
  • talk
  • listen
  • read
  • write
  • practice
  • answer
  • problem
  • solution
  • online
  • offline
  • easy
  • hard
  • share
  • note
  • work
  • plan
  • need
  • should
  • can
  • may
  • done
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