Today many children suffer from obesity. This is a very serious health issue. Describe the reasons for this and offer solutions to help fix this problem.

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The world has changed
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
that includes the eating habits of many young
children
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. Today, many
children
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suffer from obesity.
This
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is a serious
health
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issue.
This
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essay will examine the reasons why
children
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are overweight and the different solutions that can help change
this
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. Today, too many
children
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that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
suffer from
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overwight
Correct your spelling
being overweight
. There are many reasons why
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childern
Correct your spelling
children
suffer from obesity.
Frist
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First
, fast
food
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is the most
popolar
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popular
reason for
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overwight
Correct your spelling
being overweight
.
many
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Many children
childern
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eat fast
food
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reagulary
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regularly
.
For
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example
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,
They
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they
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can use the phone and order fast
food
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like
burger
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burgers
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and
pizze
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pizza
from any
websites
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website
show examples
.
Second,
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healthy
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health
issues are considered a big reason for obesity.
For
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example
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,
children
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today suffer from
blood
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high blood
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pressure and diabetes
which
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, which
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can cause
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overwight somtimes
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being overweight sometimes
.
Also
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, many
children
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lack exercise.
Nowdays
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Nowadays
,
children
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always sit in front of the
tv
Fix capitalization
TV
show examples
and
do
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make
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no movement.That can
effect on
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affect
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their
health
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.
Finally
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,
children
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should eat healthy
food
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and
aviod
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avoid
fast
food
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and chocolate,cake,
suger
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sugar
drinks for better
health
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. There are many
solution
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solutions
show examples
to fix
this
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problem.First,
health
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food
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help
childern
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avoid
overwight
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.
For
Linking Words
example
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,
Use synonyms
childern
Correct your spelling
children
should eat
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health
Replace the word
healthy
food
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,
as
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such as
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firuts
Correct your spelling
fruits
and
vagtable
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vegetables
. It can help them to be in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
health
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.
Second,
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haelthy
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healthy
care is the most
importent
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important
part.
Parents
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should take
of
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care of
show examples
their
children
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if they have any
health
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issus
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issues
.
For
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example
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,if the child has any issus as,
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such as diabetes
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diabetes
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diabetes,
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they must
do
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apply
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not allowd for them eat
suger
Correct your spelling
sugar
.
Also
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,
nowdays
Correct your spelling
nowadays children
childern
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do not do any exercise, and we have
make
Verb problem
to make
show examples
them do more exercise.
For
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example
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, they can walk arond 30
min in
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minutes
a day
or
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, or
show examples
they can do any workout
help
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to help
show examples
their
health
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.
Finally
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,
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Parents nowdays neglect their
Correct word order
parents nowadays neglect their children's
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children
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health
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and that
not
Verb problem
is not
show examples
a good
things
Fix the agreement mistake
thing
show examples
for them.
government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
should
implument
Correct your spelling
implement
hard
rouls
Correct your spelling
rules
for
parents
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do
Correct pronoun usage
who do
show examples
not care
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
their
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children's
show examples
health
Use synonyms
.
For
Linking Words
example
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,
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
can make
parents
Use synonyms
pay money if they
did
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
not
care
Verb problem
take care
show examples
of their
childern
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health
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. In conclusion, it is clear to see that there are several reasons responsible for creating a generation of overweight
children
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.
However
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, the good news is that there are many solutions that can easily change
this
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problem.

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task response
Answer both parts in a more direct way. You talk about reasons and solutions, but some ideas are not fully clear.
task response
Use main ideas that fit the topic well. Some points, like children having high blood pressure as a reason, are not well explained.
task response
Give clearer support for each main point. Add one simple and clear example for each reason and each solution.
coherence cohesion
Put one main idea in each part of the body paragraph. This will make your writing easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words in a careful way. Words like first, second, also, and finally are good, but some sentences still feel hard to follow.
coherence cohesion
Check sentence order and grammar so your ideas connect better from one sentence to the next.
task response
You answer the full topic by writing about both reasons and solutions.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
You use examples to support your ideas, which is good for this task.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite
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