IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The rise of convenience foods has helped people keep up with the speed of the modern life. What are the advantages of this trend? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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It has been observed that
convenience
Use synonyms
 processed foods have helped communities keep up with the hustle and bustle of 21st-century living. I presume that the merits of these precautionary actions,
such
Linking Words
 as ceasing to waste a lot of
time
Use synonyms
 on preparing dishes every day, and
Linking Words
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 addition, if you engage in labour-intensive tasks and you don't have enough
time
Use synonyms
 for cooking, would surpass
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 drawbacks to a major extent. My position is elaborated
further
Linking Words
 with reasons and relevant examples. A compelling argument in favour of buying ready-to-eat meals in modern life is the
time
Use synonyms
-saving benefits it offers. In recent times, a huge number of employees are engaged in work more than in the past, and often encounter problems of eating at the right
time
Use synonyms
 and, at the same
time
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, adhering to a balanced nutritional regimen. In order to address the underlying issue, communities devised innovative supermarkets that specialised in selling
convenience
Use synonyms
 foods.
For instance
Linking Words
, a well-known '7 Eleven' company, which has a lot of
convenience
Use synonyms
 supermarkets around the world,
also
Linking Words
 offers 'ready-to-eat' products to feed the population.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, there are some demerits,
such
Linking Words
 as the quality of the products and
added
Correct article usage
the added
show examples
 chemical compounds in them. It is widely acknowledged that a lot of companies add an excessive quantity of sugar or unhealthy ingredients that lead to serious health problems;
for instance
Linking Words
, 45% of the USA population under 30 years old usually suffers from obesity.
To conclude
Linking Words
, there are both merits and demerits of buying
convenience
Use synonyms
 foods to keep up with a fast-growing society;
however
Linking Words
, I strongly believe that it is more advantageous
due to
Linking Words
 the fact of
time
Use synonyms
-management and saving productivity without distraction.

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task response
Answer both parts more directly. You talk about good and bad points, but your view on why the good points are stronger needs more detail.
task response
Use clearer main ideas in each body paragraph. Start with one strong point, then explain it, then give one clear example.
task response
Your example about 7 Eleven is relevant, but it is too general. Add one more specific detail about how it helps busy people.
task response
The obesity example supports the bad side, but it needs a clearer link to convenience food.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long and hard to follow. Break them into shorter sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Linking is sometimes unclear. Use simple link words like first, also, however, for example, and therefore.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same focus in each paragraph. In paragraph 1, stay on time saving. In paragraph 2, stay on health problems.
task response
You answer the topic and give your opinion clearly in the introduction and conclusion.
task response
You include both advantages and disadvantages, so the essay is balanced.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear overall shape with an opening, two body parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraphing well, and this helps the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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