The diagram shows the process of milk production

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This
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diagram describes the system of diary production.The unit is measured in cycles.
Overall
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,
it is clear that
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the first step in making
milk
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is feeding cows and grazing the land.
Next,
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milking and taking the
milk
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from the cows with a special machine twice a day.
In addition
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, the
milk
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will be transported to a refrigerated storage to be stored.
Moreover
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, it is delivered daily by a tanker
that is
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specially
for
Verb problem
designed for
show examples
these
products
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.
Furthermore
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,
milk
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is used to extract its derivatives,
for example
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, cheese,butter and other
products
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.
For instance
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, all diaries will be origanised to it's section and packaged.
Lastly
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,
dairy
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companies will sell their
products
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in each supermarket and any
dairy
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or regular shops. Packaged
dairy
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items are
finally
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delivered and sold locally.
Finally
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, there are many steps to create diary
products
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. Cows graze, are milked by machines, and
then
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the
milk
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is processed into packaged
dairy
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products
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.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "finally".
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words milk, products, dairy with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • process
  • milk
  • production
  • cows
  • farmers
  • healthy
  • good
  • milked
  • machines
  • collect
  • factory
  • pasteurized
  • harmful
  • germs
  • safe
  • packaged
  • bottles
  • cartons
  • sale
  • supermarkets
  • shops
  • buy
  • home use
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