Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification.Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Recently, the debate on whether
students
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should take subjects other than their majors has been heated. As far as I am concerned, young adults should dedicate themselves to studying for a qualification.
This
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essay will discuss both viewpoints before presenting my own opinion.
To begin
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with, studying a variety of subjects can make young adults more competitive in the job market. By learning different disciplines, youngsters are able to develop a wider range of skills, which may increase their future career opportunities.
For instance
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,
students
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who study both management and computer science can pursue careers in either business or technology-related industries.
As a result
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, taking diverse courses can give young adults a competitive advantage over others when applying for jobs.
On the other hand
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,
students
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who devote more effort to specific majors are more likely to become specialists in their fields.
For instance
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, biology
students
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usually need intensive laboratory training to gain expertise in their discipline. If
students
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divide their attention among too many unrelated subjects, they may struggle to perform well in their major courses.
Therefore
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, it would be more advantageous for
students
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to focus on one major intensively if they want to master it. In conclusion, studying a wide variety of majors can broaden
students
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' horizons and create more career opportunities.
However
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, it is equally important to recognise that mastering multiple disciplines can be both demanding and time-consuming.
Thus
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, I believe
students
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should prioritise their major studies, especially if they are unable to manage additional academic pressure effectively.

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task response
Give your own view more fully in the body, not only in the end.
task response
Add one more clear reason for your view to make your answer stronger.
task response
Use examples with a bit more detail to make your ideas more clear.
coherence and cohesion
Link some ideas more smoothly between paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Some words repeat, like major and students, so try a few simple different words.
coherence and cohesion
The last paragraph is clear, but your opinion could be more direct and strong.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give your own opinion.
task response
Your main ideas are clear and easy to follow.
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You use relevant examples to support both views.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear intro, body, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has one main idea, which helps flow.
coherence and cohesion
Linking words like To begin with, On the other hand, and Therefore help guide the reader.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
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