The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020.

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The graph illustrates information about
numbers
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the number
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of participants, by activity in Melbourne
throughout
Punctuation problem
, throughout
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the period from 2000 to 2020.
Overall
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,
while
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the activities exhibited different trends over the given time, table tennis and musical performances followed an upward trajectory,
whereas
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amateur dramatics showed a decline.
However
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,
film
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the film
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club and martial arts maintained the same level for 20 years. As the graph demonstrates, musical performance and table tennis began at around zero and slightly above 10
people
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in 2000,
then
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a gradual increase
Wrong verb form
gradually increased
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until 2010. Notably, musical performances continued the same general pattern until the end
at
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, with
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around 15
people
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.
However
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, table tennis experienced a significant jump from 20
people
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to more than 50
people
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in 2020.
By contrast
Linking Words
,
Number
Correct article usage
the number
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of participants for amateur dramatics started at almost 25
people
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in 2000,
then
Linking Words
rose slightly to just 30
people
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in 2005 before dramatically declining to approximately 5
people
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by 2020. Regarding
number
Correct article usage
the number
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of
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people
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apply
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participants for
film
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the film
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club and martial arts , they commenced at above 60
people
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and almost above 30
people
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,
both
Correct word choice
and both
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figures remained stable between these levels.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words people with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • participants
  • social centre
  • comparison
  • trends
  • consistently popular
  • gained popularity
  • lost popularity
  • community interest
  • availability of facilities
  • social factors
  • economic factors
  • external events
  • economic downturns
  • health crises
  • demographic changes
  • aging population
  • marketing
  • community outreach programs
  • participation rates
  • Melbourne
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