IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The line graph below shows changes in the amount and type of fast food consumed by Australian teenagers from 1975 to 2000.

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The line compares the amount of consumption
fast
Change preposition
of fast
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 by Australian teenagers from 1975 to 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that the consumption of
fish
Use synonyms
 and
chips
Use synonyms
 reduced throughout the period,
whereas
Linking Words
 the consumption of
hamburgers
Use synonyms
 and pizza increased and exceeded
Use synonyms
fish
Correct pronoun usage
that of fish
show examples
 and
chips
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
hamburgers
Use synonyms
 became popular fast
food
Use synonyms
 by 2000. In 1975,
fish
Use synonyms
 and
chips
Use synonyms
 were popular fast
food
Use synonyms
 among teenagers at 100
Use synonyms
numbers of
Check wording
apply
show examples
times
Use synonyms
 eaten per
years
Check wording
year
show examples
, followed by
hamburgers
Use synonyms
 at around 10
Use synonyms
numbers of
Check wording
apply
show examples
times
Use synonyms
 consumed per year.
By contrast
Linking Words
, consumers demonstrated the lowest desire to eat pizza at 5
Use synonyms
numbers of
Check wording
apply
show examples
times
Use synonyms
 eaten per year. By 2000,
although
Linking Words
fish
Use synonyms
 and
chips
Use synonyms
initially
Linking Words
 experienced a moderate fraction between 1975 and 1985, it sharply reduced, reaching about 40
Use synonyms
numbers of
Check wording
apply
show examples
times
Use synonyms
 eaten per
years
Check wording
year
show examples
.
By contrast
Linking Words
,
hamburgers
Use synonyms
 registered a considerable rise until 1995, climbing from 10 to 100 before
it remained
Wrong verb form
remaining
show examples
 stable at around 100 by 2000, becoming
dominant
Correct article usage
the dominant
show examples
 fast
food
Use synonyms
.
Similarly
Linking Words
, pizza represented a significant increase by 1995, reaching approximately 83
before
Correct word choice
, and
show examples
 remained stable around 83 by 2000.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "by contrast".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words food, fish, chips, hamburgers, numbers, times with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reduced" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Consumption
  • Trend
  • Hamburgers
  • Pizza
  • Fried chicken
  • Period
  • Health awareness
  • Availability
  • Taste preferences
  • Marketing influence
  • Implications
  • Western culture
  • Peak periods
  • Promotions
  • Societal habits
  • Patterns
  • Popular
  • Declined
  • Introduction
  • Eating habits
  • Summarise
  • Prediction
  • Recommendations
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