IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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As a result
Linking Words
 of constant media attention,
sports
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 professionals in my country have become
stars
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,
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;
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 they live extravagant lifestyles with huge houses and cars. Many people find their rewards unfair,
espacially
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especially
 when comparing these super salaries with those of top surgeons or research scientists, or even leading politicians who have the responsibility of governing the country.
However
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,
sports
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 salaries are not determined by considering the contribution to society a person makes
,
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apply
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 or the level of responsibility he or she holds.
Instead
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, they reflect the public
popurarity
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popularity
 of sport in general and the level of public support that successful
stars
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 can generate.
so
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So
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 the notion of fairness is not the issue. Those who feel that
sports
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Use synonyms
stars
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stars'
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 salaries are justified might argue that the number of professionals with real talent
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 very few, and the money is a recognition of the skills and dedication a person needs to be successful. Competition is constant
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 a player is tested
everytime
Correct your spelling
every time
 they perform in their
relitively
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relatively
 short
carre
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career
. The pressure from the media is intense
and
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, and
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 there is little privacy out of the spotlight. So all of the factors may justify the huge earnings. Personally,
i
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I
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 think that the amount of money
such
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sports
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stars
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 make is more justified than the huge earnings of movie
stars
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, but at the same time, it indicates that our society places more value on sport than on more essential professions and achievements.

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task response
Write a clear first sentence that says you will talk about both sides and your own view.
task response
Give one more clear idea for why high pay is unfair, with a simple example.
task response
Make your own view stronger and more direct in the last part.
coherence and cohesion
Use full stops more carefully. Some long sentences should be cut into two shorter ones.
coherence and cohesion
Start each paragraph with a clear main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Check linking words like 'however', 'instead', and 'personally' to make the flow smoother.
task response
You discussed both views and gave your own opinion.
task response
Your ideas stay on the topic and are mostly clear.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has clear paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
There is a clear ending with your opinion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial remuneration
  • exceptional
  • merit
  • talent
  • demand
  • entertainment value
  • career span
  • physical demands
  • justified
  • unfair
  • criticism
  • income inequality
  • societal priorities
  • sportsmanship
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