IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that the fashion industry is bad for the environment, as it encourages consumers to buy new clothes all the time. To what extent do you agreeor disagree.

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It is commonly argued that the
fashion
Use synonyms
 industry poses enormous harm to the environment in the society, which constantly motivates consumers to purchase new clothing. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 stance, because the pursuit of fast
fashion
Use synonyms
 results in excessive consumption and severe environmental pollution.i The
fashion
Use synonyms
 sectors deliberately launch new
stuffs
Check wording
products
show examples
 in every season to stimulate frequent
purchase
Check wording
purchases
show examples
. In fact, most fast-
fashion
Use synonyms
 garments are low-cost and poorly made, which could quickly go out of style and become unwearable.
As a result
Linking Words
, consumers tend to discard old clothes and replace them with new ones that generates enormous textile waste. Most of these abandoned clothes end up in landfills, which need scores of years to decompose,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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placing a lumbersome burden on the
circumstances
Check wording
environment
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, cloth
stuff
Check wording
apply
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causes grievous ecological damage. Manufacturing procedure consumes vast quantities of fresh water and raw materials,
while
Linking Words
 processing clothes
release
Correct subject-verb agreement
releases
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 toxic chemicals into rivers and soil.
Besides
Linking Words
, the transportation of garments produces grievous carbon emissions, accelerating
environmental
Correct article usage
the environmental
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 crisis. If the
fashion
Use synonyms
 industry keeps encouraging endless buying, environmental pollution would inevitably worsen. Co
Overall
Linking Words
, the
fashion
Use synonyms
 industry is undoubtedly damaging to the environment. It drives
not significant
Replace the word
non-significant
 over consumption, creates huge textile waste and causes serious pollution during production and delivery.
Consequently
Linking Words
, I am convinced that the
fashion
Use synonyms
 industry’s effect on natural ecosystems is
nonnegligible
Correct your spelling
non-negligible
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, constructional measures must be taken to mitigate its environmental effect before the damage becomes irreversible.

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task response
Answer the question more fully. You clearly agree, but you can explain the extent of your view in a more direct way.
task response
Add one short real example or clearer case, such as water use, waste, or transport, to make your ideas stronger.
task response
Some ideas are good, but a few are too general. Develop each main point with one clear reason and one clear result.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with more care. Some sentences are hard to follow because of word choice or grammar problems.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. This will make your argument easier to follow.
task response
You give a clear opinion from the start and keep it to the end.
task response
You cover key ideas like waste, pollution, and over-buying, which are all on topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a simple overall structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Words like 'Furthermore', 'As a result', and 'Overall' help the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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